IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another c

#people #professionals #doctors #engineers #work #country #c
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While
Linking Words
 some claim that
professionals
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 ought to
work
Use synonyms
 in
their
Change the word
the
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
 where they did their training, others believe that anyone will be able to migrate to another
country
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
. From my point of view, both of the given arguments have their merits but I would lean toward the latter. On the one hand, one appealing reason why a
country
Use synonyms
 should require their
professionals
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 to
work
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 locally after finishing their training is
because
Replace the word
that
show examples
 the
country
Use synonyms
 spends money and resources to train these people to become
professionals
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 in the field.
In addition
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, the authority paid a complete fee for education and services facilities for doctors or engineers so if these
professionals
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 leave the
country
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 to move to another
country
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, it will be a huge loss for the
country
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 in the future.
For example
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, when the number of doctors leave their
countries
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 significantly, that region will encounter a lack of medical care services resulting in many repercussions for society.
On the other hand
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, Some people think that
professionals
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 should have the freedom to
work
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 in
oversea
Fix the agreement mistake
overseas
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
 if they want. The reason is that every person
alway
Correct your spelling
always
 has the right to choose the place where they desire to live or
work
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 because it not only is able to bring more benefits
such
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 as income, facilities or advancement and ultimately they
also
Linking Words
 will achieve satisfaction in life.
Moreover
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, the astounding rivalry
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 employment
also
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 affects migration in their
countries
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due to
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 a lack of jobs. For
instances
Fix the agreement mistake
instance
show examples
, in the 19th, an increasing number of
professionals
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 from Israel moved to America to inhabit because of the rise of wars in their
country
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 In conclusion, there are reasons why doctors or engineers must
work
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 for their government after training, but in my opinion, they should have the freedom to move overseas to
work
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by phuocsang4567 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction provides a clear outline of the essay's intent, but the wording could be more precise. Consider revising to make it more refined and assertive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, either through linking phrases or cohesive devices, to maintain a seamless flow of ideas.
Task Achievement
While the main points are well-supported, it would be beneficial to elaborate further on some examples to enhance the argument's depth and persuasiveness.
Task Achievement
Be wary of small grammatical errors and awkward phrasings which may detract from the overall clarity of your ideas. Proofreading can help mitigate these issues.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses both viewpoints thoroughly, giving a balanced argument which is essential for a high-scoring IELTS essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your stance and recaps the main points, providing a well-rounded end to the essay.
Task Achievement
The use of examples, such as the influx of professionals from Israel to America due to wars, strengthens your argument by providing concrete evidence.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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