IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that the government should increase tax on unhealthy food to encourage people to start eating healthy. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #tax #food
In recent years, fast
food
 franchises have become a trendy work which leads to the huge expenses of junk
food
.It is widely believed that the
government
 ought to increase taxes on healthy
food
 to reduce the consumption of junk
food
 by
people
 .Personally, I strongly disagree with
this
 view for a variety of reasons. First of all, the
government
 is commercially financed by many humorous fast
food
 organisations
such
 as
McDonald
Change noun form
McDonald's
show examples
 or KFC which helps the
government
 to improve numerous social aspects like education, security and welfare.
Moreover
, it creates work environments for a large number of
people
, decreases the rate of unemployment all over the world and saves citizens 'time looking for
food
.
For instance
, fast
food
 is one of the most consumed meals in America because not only it is really easy to order but it is
also
 affordable.
Secondly
, the solid health of a person is determined by their consciousness, not by others so if the
government
 increases taxes on unhealthy
food
,
people
 will find another way to eat "convenience
food
".
Additionally
,
people
's pocket is loose out day by day because of inflation which makes it impossible for the
government
 to increase tax on
food
, especially fast
food
.
Hence
,
this
 action may lead to a poor diet which causes a climb in sickness, obesity and heart disease.
Moreover
,
overall
 finances will be affected because of the decrease in
food
 consumption. In conclusion, increasing taxes on unhealthy
food
 is an unworkable solution . In my opinion, I assume that nobody can't help others to change their health, except their selves.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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coherence cohesion
The essay presents a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, yet it could benefit from a clearer and more logical structuring of points to heighten its coherence and cohesion. Each paragraph should ideally represent one central idea, and all sentences should contribute to that idea in a clear and logical manner.
task achievement
While the essay touches on the topic, further clarity and development of ideas are essential. Arguments could be better supported with clear logic, and it is important to address both sides of the issue, not just the one that the writer agrees with. Greater depth and elaboration in argumentation would enhance the essay's quality.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unhealthy food
  • junk food
  • calorie-dense
  • taxing
  • incentivize
  • manufacturers
  • prohibitively expensive
  • disproportionately
  • low-income households
  • healthcare costs
  • obesity
  • diet-related diseases
  • punitive measures
  • lifestyle choices
  • government intervention
  • food industry
  • economic impact
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