In some counties young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies

#counties #people #leisure #time #pressure #work #studies

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Nowadays , youngsters have a sedentary lifestyle

due to

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their lack of

time

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to rest even to play with their friends.

Moreover

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, the school duties from

time

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time

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put them under a lot of pressure. I strongly believe that

this

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case is caused by parental pressure and

university

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competition

Use synonyms

. In some countries,

parents

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bring pressure into their

children

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life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

because they demand them to pursue a successful career.

For example

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parents

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will put

children

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into many courses that are relevant to their studies.

Parents

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will try to keep them busy with their studying for the sake of their own future.

Therefore

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, there is no free

time

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for young people to enjoy their life. On the one hand,

university

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competition

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forces students to study much harder since the

university

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accepts students who have higher scores. It creates high-level

competition

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among others.

Moreover

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, all universities have standards as a requirement.

Accordingly

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, young people should make good preparation.

Consequently

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, sometimes it makes youngsters depressed or even suicidal.

As a result

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, the best solution to these problems is the awareness of

parents

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. They should understand the

children

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's condition, and realise that their actions can cause stress among the

children

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Additionally

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, the

university

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case needs to be overtaken. The government should expand the number of grants and universities.

Thus

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, that would reduce the

competition

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level and young people would

then

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have spare

time

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to enjoy their life.

To sum up

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, I think that understanding between

parents

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and

children

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will bring a beautiful balance followed by support from the government.

Submitted by dnm.best on Sat Dec 09 2023

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coherence cohesion

Make sure to provide a clear and distinct introduction. While an introduction is present, enhancing clarity and explicitly outlining the main points will greatly benefit the reader's comprehension.

coherence cohesion

The essay could benefit from more varied and complex sentence structures. Aim to enhance logical structure by using a wider range of cohesive devices. This will improve the flow and clarity of points being made.

coherence cohesion

Develop your main points further with more detailed support and explanation. Include more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make your points more persuasive.

task achievement

Ensure that the response fully addresses all parts of the task. While the essay does address the topic, deepening the analysis to cover the issue more comprehensively will improve the score.

task achievement

Offer clear and comprehensive ideas by expanding each point with thorough explanation and rationale. This will help in meeting the task requirements more efficiently.

task achievement

Integrate specific, relevant examples to substantiate the ideas presented. These examples should closely support the argument and be clearly linked to the main points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

256 words

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In some counties young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Film stars and music celebrities may earn a great deal of money and live in luxurious surroundings, but many of them lead unhappy lives. Do you agree? To what extent is this the price they pay for being famous?

Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activitiy of young people. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their product are new in some way, Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

In the future all cars, bosses and tracks will be driverless. The only people traveling inside this vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh disadvantages?

Some people say that adversiting is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.