IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

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While
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 some
museums
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 are implementing a free system for their visitors, others still sell
admission
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 tickets. I think there would be more
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 if
museums
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 charged no
admission
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 fee. One disadvantage of paying for
museum
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 tickets is that not all
people
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 have the money to buy them. The
museum
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 is one of the educational, historical, and cultural institutions that should be accessible to everyone.
Therefore
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, it is regrettable if many
people
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 cannot receive the essential knowledge.
For instance
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, if the
museum
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 is free for everyone,
people
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 who have no formal education can still learn from there. Even though it is not as comprehensive as the lessons at school, at least they have access to general knowledge.
Subsequently
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, the paid ticket makes it harder to attract
people
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 to visit. Some
people
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 may think that the local government has funded the
museum
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,
therefore
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, there should be no
admission
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. Nowadays, there are many more interesting media to learn about history or art that are usually exhibited in
museums
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, with easier, faster, and free access.
Therefore
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,
museums
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 with a paid system will have difficulty attracting, especially young
people
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.
Conversely
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, implementing the
admission
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 charge can result in substantial benefits.
For example
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, the
museum
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 can earn extra income to take care of the items on display, so that they will be better maintained and
last
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 for the long term.
Additionally
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, it can
also
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 motivate
people
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 to work at the
museum
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. In conclusion,
while
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 entrance fees can benefit the
museum
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, the potential drawbacks cannot be ignored. Whatever the fee, it may be burdensome for some economically disadvantaged
people
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, and
museums
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 may not be an option for very budget-conscious individuals.
However
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, revenue from ticket sales can be utilized more to improve the quality of the
museum
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 itself, so that visitors are more comfortable.

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task achievement
Develop your arguments more fully by providing more specific examples and details to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Try to include a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Enhance clarity by revisiting and refining the introduction of your main points, ensuring they are presented in a way that is immediately clear and impactful to the reader.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the issue, which is maintained throughout the response.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your position and neatly ties together the essay's main arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
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