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Band 5

Now-a-days many people choose to be self-employed, rather than work for a company. What could be the advantages and disadvantages of being self-employed?

#now-a-days #people #work #company
Taking into account there are many people who decide to start their own businesses, there are some advantages that they have in mind at the moment
to
Add the comma(s)
, to
show examples
 begin with their projects.
However
, in my opinion, there are more disadvantages than advantages because in the first place, people do not create a good plan before beginning and second they do not make a social study in which they can determine what product or service should be better for starting up. Bearing in mind that many entrepreneurs are starting up new businesses thinking
this
 could be a suitable solution in order to fulfill their working necessities, they see themselves involved in several situations.
Thus
, when creating a business they will face advantages or drawbacks.
However
, in my opinion, there are two main disadvantages
such
 as the lack of planning and second-rated marketing studios. In
this
 essay, I will establish both the merits and the drawbacks. The lack of planning is a fault owing to
this
 could increase the risk of failing. The planning afforded an opportune organization of the areas and resources of the entrepreneurship, in
this
 way, it could forecast the expenses, incomes, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
profits of the project. To illustrate, a company that makes excellent planning will recognize aspects
such
 as the budget, the supplier, the output, and the market;
therefore
 will relieve the risk of
failing
Replace the word
failure
show examples
.
while
 people do not create a proper plan before beginning and second they do not make a social study in which they can determine what product or service should be better for
staring
Correct your spelling
starting
show examples
 up.
Submitted by natalyrau13 on

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task achievement
Your essay fails to adequately address the prompt, which asks for both the advantages and disadvantages of being self-employed. Your essay lacks balance, focusing predominantly on the disadvantages and lacking specific advantages that being self-employed might bring. This partial treatment of the prompt impacts the score for complete response and clear comprehensive ideas.
coherence cohesion
The logical progression of your essay is hindered by repetition and some lack of clarity in expressing your ideas. The transitions between points are not very smooth, making the essay difficult to follow at times. Try to use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraph structures to enhance the logical flow.
task achievement
You need to support your main points with specific examples. This essay contains general statements, but lacks concrete examples or evidence to illustrate the points made. To improve, include real-life examples or hypothetical scenarios that directly relate to the advantages and disadvantages of self-employment.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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