IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people are afraid to leave their homes because of their fear of crime. Some people believe that more actions should be taken to prevent crime, but others feel that little can be done. Discuss both views and give you.

#people #homes #fear #crime #actions
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A rising number of
crime
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 terrify people who want to go outdoors.
While
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 many assume that
governments
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 should tackle
crime
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 more positively, others argue that there is little to deal with.
This
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 essay will explore both perspectives and offer a balanced viewpoint. In
this
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 hustle-and-bustle society, the growing population especially brings the issue of
crime
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.
However
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, there are still viable solutions for
governments
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 to address the problem. One of the significant methods is to use technology. In today's digital age, security cameras in some advanced countries are ubiquitous, and
thus
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governments
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 can
also
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 implement
this
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 policy. Allocating some budget to set up a few cameras can considerably reduce the rate of illegal activities because those records can help authorities trace the criminal.
Furthermore
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, raising public awareness is
also
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 a feasible manner to reduce the number of
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crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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. It is widely agreed that people understanding how to avoid dangerous areas will make criminals have fewer chances to harm them.
On the other hand
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, the form of
crime
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 has sharply increased these years. What is obvious is that there are diverse channels to engage in illegal matters.
For instance
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, underground weapon selling and gangster activities are merely possible to reduce because the anonymity of the Internet provides the perfect shelter for them.
Moreover
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, the lack of police resources
also
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 becomes the reason that cannot address the
crime
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 issue. In essence, California just announced a policy regarding the robbery. Because of the scarcity of police officers, if the loss of money in a robbery or stealing is under one thousand dollars, it won't be charged by the local authority.
As a consequence
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,
governments
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 are not capable of doing more. In conclusion, it is evident that
although
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 policymakers can make a difference, they only account for a tiny fraction. From my perspective, both people and authorities should commit themselves to decreasing the number of
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
.
Submitted by seanlin12345 on

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Introduction and Conclusion
Ensure an appropriate introduction and conclusion are present, but also focus on developing these sections further to provide greater clarity regarding the topic and your final position.
Logical Structure
Maintain a logical structure throughout your essay. Use clear paragraphing and ensure each paragraph has a central idea that contributes to the overall argument or discussion of the essay.
Supporting Main Points
Support main points with clear, relevant examples or explanations. While some main points were mentioned, the development of these points should be deepened to enhance understanding and impact.
Task Completion
As per the Task Response, while the completion of the response is fair, it is essential to fully address all parts of the question. Ensure that both views are discussed comprehensively and your own opinion is clear and reiterated in the conclusion.
Clear and Comprehensive Ideas
To achieve greater clarity and comprehension in your writing, work on expressing your ideas more explicitly and ensure that they form a comprehensive viewpoint on the topic. Avoid ambiguous statements and refine your points for better clarity.
Relevant Specific Examples
Incorporate relevant, specific examples that are fully explained and directly linked to your argument. This will strengthen your Task Achievement score by making your essay more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • - Deterrent: something that discourages or is intended to discourage someone from doing something.
  • - Vigilant: keeping careful watch for possible danger or difficulties.
  • - Surveillance: close observation, especially of a suspected spy or criminal.
  • - Community-oriented programs: initiatives that target specific issues within a community.
  • - High-crime areas: neighborhoods or regions where crime rates are significantly elevated.
  • - Social inequality: the existence of unequal opportunities and rewards for different social positions within a society.
  • - Law enforcement: government officials responsible for maintaining public order and enforcing laws.
  • - Cynicism: an inclination to believe that people are motivated purely by self-interest; skepticism.
  • - Pessimism: a tendency to see the worst aspect of things or believe that the worst will happen.
  • - Bureaucratic hurdles: obstacles related to the procedures and regulations in bureaucracies that create inefficiencies.
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