IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The gap between the rich and the poor is becoming wider; the rich are becoming richer and the poor are even getting poorer. Some people think that governments are responsible for this issue, and others think it is the responsibility of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Wealthy
people
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 became richer and created a huge gap for poor
people
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. The majority have a lot of suggestions about it, like the
government
Use synonyms
 should provide for the needs of everyone, and for some, it's the responsibility of the individual.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I will discuss and tackle both views in my essay.
People
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 believe that the
government
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 should do something about
this
Linking Words
 matter. Especially for the poor
people
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, the
government
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 can provide a better lifestyle for them.
For instance
Linking Words
, having free education for the lower-class students, so that they can be knowledgeable about lots of things, and they can lift themselves out of poverty in the near future.
Also
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, having affordable healthcare, especially for the elderly, is important, where the
government
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 can create free schedules of check-ups for them so that everyone can be updated on their own health.
Along with
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 promoting jobs that they can apply for better income, which can lead to a better life.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 think it's the responsibility of the individual. Gaining the right skills and educating themselves so they can find a job and earn a living.
For example
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, being strategic in life can make you rich.
Furthermore
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, having a good mindset and connections that
people
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 will help you, and mostly by working hard for the things that you want to achieve in life.
To conclude
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, governments have the responsibility for their locals to serve and provide for their needs, especially the low-income earners, by giving them the knowledge to start and build themselves to earn more.
Hence
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,
people
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 will work hard, sooner or later, their lives will change, and they will be on top like rich
people
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.

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structure
Use a clear topic sentence for each paragraph and state your view early.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words to show how they fit together.
content
Give more exact examples and details to back up your points.
task response
The essay shows both views and ends with a conclusion.
content
Examples about education and health show care for the poor.
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