IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development?

Currently, fathers are taking care of their children in their houses
instead
Linking Words
 of going to work.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the number of mothers going to work has recently increased. I will name the reasons for
this
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
and my opinion on whether it is a positive or negative development. A decade ago, mothers used to stay at home
while
Linking Words
 husbands went to their jobs, and that recent change is a result of a number of reasons. Mainly, there has always been a stigma around stay-at-home fathers and social values that obligate mothers to stay at home.
Besides
Linking Words
, the desire for husbands to build stronger bonds with children by spending more time with them provoked the
advance
Replace the word
advancement
show examples
 in society.
For example
Linking Words
, my uncle started teleworking
last
Linking Words
 year because he had not spent enough time with his little kids and felt like he missed them. Personally, I think it is a positive evolution. It is really important for kids who can benefit from the involvement of teaching skills from both parents .
For example
Linking Words
, I watched a film where a teenager had lost his father , and he did not have physical skills at all. I
also
Linking Words
 think it is positive because it gives opportunities to women who want to shine in the working world.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there are famous women who are well known for their achievements , like Marie Curie or Frida Kahlo.
To conclude
Linking Words
, there has been an exchange lately between genders about going to work and staying home. It is
due to
Linking Words
 the change in social values
as well as
Linking Words
 to the desire of fathers to be with their families. I think it has principally positive aspects,
such
Linking Words
 as the benefits for the youngsters or its practicality.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

content
Improve task response by adding more clear, specific evidence and a more balanced view.
structure
Work on coherence by using clearer links and a logical order.
language
Fix grammar and sentence form to avoid errors.
lexical
Use more natural phrases and keep vocabulary simple but accurate.
examples
Include more concrete examples to support claims.
structure
Clear plan with introduction, body and conclusion.
content
Uses examples to back ideas.
content
Shows a clear view that the topic is positive.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • breadwinner
  • caregiving
  • paternal leave
  • societal perceptions
  • gender roles
  • flexible working conditions
  • personal preference
  • father-child relationship
  • emotional and social development
  • household responsibilities
  • career opportunities
  • professional achievements
  • balanced parenting
  • earning potential
  • social stigma
  • societal pressure
  • discrimination
  • traditional mindsets
  • resentment
  • adjustment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: