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Band 3

The animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in the sea. What are the reason and solution?

#species #activities #land #sea #reason
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is
extinction
Add an article
the extinction
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 of animal species on land and in the sea
due to
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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. It is undeniable that
animals
 have become an essential part of our life.
However
 ,these days should be stopped anyway. One of the main aspects of the problem is
that
Correct word choice
apply
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people
's mindset about nature and their dwellers. They don't care about
animals
 that can
be injure
Change the verb form
be injured
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 or die from
human's
Change noun form
human
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 pollution. One of the main reasons behind that are factories, cars, ships, litter and any pesticides which
product
Replace the word
produce
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people
 every day. We have a shield from those, during they can't find places in order to live.
This
 could lead to
extinct
Correct word choice
the extinction
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 of many species in the entire world or might result in climatic change which is
also
hazard
Add an article
a hazard
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. To tackle
this
 problem
people
 should at least hold clear around or work together to find a new better way to tackle
this
.
This
 may be the easiest and so the best way to
award
Verb problem
reward
show examples
people
 who help nature and punish
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 who bring pollution to the world. Having weighed everything mentioned
up
Change preposition
apply
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, we can come to
a
Correct article usage
the
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 conclusion that more problems about pollution of air and sea and
nature
Replace the word
natural
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 ecosystem collapse owing to
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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. So it would not be surprising to see some museums about extinct
animals
 in the near future which actually common species in the present. Actions must be taken urgently,
otherwise
Add a comma
otherwise,
show examples
 we will get negative effects not only for the
animals
Submitted by aikumarbekarys on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should contain one main idea and subsequent sentences that develop that idea.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples or evidence to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your essay must fully address the task, providing a clear opinion and discussing both reasons for the problem and possible solutions comprehensively.
task achievement
Your ideas need to be presented in a clear and comprehensive manner. Using complex sentences properly and avoiding repetition can help achieve this.
task achievement
Include specific examples to illustrate your points and make your essay more persuasive. Avoid general statements and make sure your examples are relevant to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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