IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that paying taxes is a big enough contribution to society, while other think people have more responsibilities as a member of society than only paying taxes. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In today's world, paying money to the government contributes to our society.
Additionally
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, the taxation provided to build up a mutual public system,
such
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 as the Metro Railway system or
high speed
Add a hyphen
high-speed
show examples
 railway.
However
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, other folklore groups consider doing more to help those in poor conditions. I will discuss both views and show my opinion in the following paragraphs. I insist that individuals should dedicate themselves to volunteer work or join charitable activities, not just apply by paying taxes.
To begin
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 with, some citizens consider that paying taxes aims to aid the development of countries,
such
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 as annual taxes are provided to invest in infrastructure and industry.
For example
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, the government of Kaohsiung spent about 200 million dollars building the large Kaohsiung arena, providing an auditory place for celebrities and singers to hold concerts, which helps boost the economy.
On the other hand
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, people have the opposite opinion and find that the only payment system does not have enough support for our society.
For instance
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, nursing homes and hospitals need more volunteers to assist patients,
such
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 as guiding visitors in the right direction and providing information.
Additionally
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, donating is a good way to help those who are in poverty condition, either with money or food. In summary, some global residents may claim that only paying tariffs significantly supports society;
on the contrary
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, others believe in helping others with physical and mutual support. People have to devote themselves to our community through philanthropic efforts, being involved in actual support actions, and donating to charities or foundations.

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task achievement
Ensure that you address all parts of the prompt with equal development. While your essay touches upon both views, there seems to be a slight imbalance, with less detail provided for the perspective of those who believe paying taxes is sufficient. Aim for a more balanced discussion.
task achievement
Work on developing more specific and varied examples for each point of view. The examples provided were somewhat generic and could be more detailed to support your argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
Maintain logical sequencing of ideas throughout your essay. Your essay has a clear progression, but some transitions between ideas could be smoother for better coherence.
coherence cohesion
Remember to include an introduction and conclusion that clearly state the topic and your opinion. Both were present, but they can be refined to better frame the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your main points are not only stated but also fully developed and supported by evidence or examples. Some points in your essay could be further elaborated on to strengthen your argument.
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