Some people believe that corporal punishment helps to improve students' behavior, while others think it could be detrimental in many ways. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #punishment #students #behavior

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One of the social concerns today relates to

punishment

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school

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While

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it is commonly suggested that corporal

punishment

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helps to better student's behaviour, others believe it could be harmful in many ways. I'm going to discuss these opposing points of view. In my opinion, there are more efficient methods of educating

students

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than corporal

punishment

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. On the one hand, it is argued that it is helpful to use corporal

punishment

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to make

students

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behave better. The main reason is that when

students

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make a mistake and are punished with corporal, they will remember it for a long time;

therefore

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, they will not have a tendency to repeat it in the future.

For example

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, in primary

school

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, I made some mistakes and my teacher hit my hand, which made me change my behaviour and not repeat the mistakes when I moved on to Secondary

School

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and High

School

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On the other hand

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, it is strongly believed by others that corporal

punishment

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could bring about several negative effects in various ways. People often have

this

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opinion because there are already some reports showing data about a proportion of

students

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having serious psychological trauma. In fact, some schools have problems when the

students

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cannot continue to go to

school

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after they receive corporal

punishment

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For example

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, in 2020 it was reported in The New York Times that 70% of high schoolers have serious psychological crises in 100 high schools using corporal

punishment

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in America. In conclusion,

while

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some people think that corporal

punishment

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can help to improve student's

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

, others believe it could be in many aspects. Personally, I tend to believe that there are other ways to educate

students

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efficiently, we don't need to use corporal

punishment

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in a learning environment.

Submitted by yeshomeclass on Thu Dec 14 2023

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cohesion coherence

You should ensure that your essay has a clear logical structure, including a proper introduction and conclusion. The introduction should state the issues to be discussed clearly and a summarised opinion, while the conclusion must wrap up your arguments and reiterate your stance effectively.

cohesion coherence

Your main points should be well-supported with specific examples and elaborations. While you provided some examples, the ideas could have been better explained with more depth and rationale for the consequences of corporal punishment.

task achievement

Make sure the essay provides a complete response to the task, discussing both views and giving your own opinion. Your essay did this quite well but consider offering a more balanced discussion, reflecting on both views before presenting your personal stance.

task achievement

It's important to develop clear and comprehensive ideas in your essay. Yours were on the right path, but sometimes lacked depth and comprehensive exploration. Try to elaborate further on your ideas to enhance understanding.

task achievement

Use a wider variety of relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. You included some, but for an even stronger essay, aim to include a range of specific examples that convincingly support each viewpoint you discuss.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

290 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

corporal punishment
deterrent
undesirable behavior
discipline
respect for authority
disruptive behaviors
conducive learning environment
judiciously
reinforce
boundaries
psychological effects
increased aggression
anxiety
cycle of violence
physical aggression
abuse
discrimination
unevenly
biases
resentment
positive reinforcement
counseling
behavioral interventions
self-control
decision-making skills

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Some people believe that corporal punishment helps to improve students' behavior, while others think it could be detrimental in many ways. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Some think that teaching children at home is more benefical for their development, while other say they should go to school.discuss the advantages of both views and give your presonal opinion

In some countries today, children are taught from a young age that competition is important and that winning is everything. Is this a positive or a negative development?

Some people say that the best way to discourage smoking is to make smoking illegal in public places. Other people say that this is not enough and other measures are needed. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Nowadays more and more people are using media like TV or online platforms to read news instead of reading newspapers. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries, people live with their parents and siblings until their old age. Do you think there are more advantages or disadvantages to this behaviour? Discuss your opinion and provide specific reasons and examples to support your answer.