Some people believe that corporal punishment helps to improve students' behavior, while others think it could be detrimental in many ways. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
One of the social concerns today relates to
punishment
in school
. While
it is commonly suggested that corporal punishment
helps to better student's behaviour, others believe it could be harmful in many ways. I'm going to discuss these opposing points of view. In my opinion, there are more efficient methods of educating students
than corporal punishment
.
On the one hand, it is argued that it is helpful to use corporal punishment
to make students
behave better. The main reason is that when students
make a mistake and are punished with corporal, they will remember it for a long time; therefore
, they will not have a tendency to repeat it in the future. For example
, in primary school
, I made some mistakes and my teacher hit my hand, which made me change my behaviour and not repeat the mistakes when I moved on to Secondary School
and High School
.
On the other hand
, it is strongly believed by others that corporal punishment
could bring about several negative effects in various ways. People often have this
opinion because there are already some reports showing data about a proportion of students
having serious psychological trauma. In fact, some schools have problems when the students
cannot continue to go to school
after they receive corporal punishment
. For example
, in 2020 it was reported in The New York Times that 70% of high schoolers have serious psychological crises in 100 high schools using corporal punishment
in America.
In conclusion, while
some people think that corporal punishment
can help to improve student's behavior
, others believe it could be in many aspects. Personally, I tend to believe that there are other ways to educate Change the spelling
behaviour
students
efficiently, we don't need to use corporal punishment
in a learning environment.Submitted by yeshomeclass on
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cohesion coherence
You should ensure that your essay has a clear logical structure, including a proper introduction and conclusion. The introduction should state the issues to be discussed clearly and a summarised opinion, while the conclusion must wrap up your arguments and reiterate your stance effectively.
cohesion coherence
Your main points should be well-supported with specific examples and elaborations. While you provided some examples, the ideas could have been better explained with more depth and rationale for the consequences of corporal punishment.
task achievement
Make sure the essay provides a complete response to the task, discussing both views and giving your own opinion. Your essay did this quite well but consider offering a more balanced discussion, reflecting on both views before presenting your personal stance.
task achievement
It's important to develop clear and comprehensive ideas in your essay. Yours were on the right path, but sometimes lacked depth and comprehensive exploration. Try to elaborate further on your ideas to enhance understanding.
task achievement
Use a wider variety of relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. You included some, but for an even stronger essay, aim to include a range of specific examples that convincingly support each viewpoint you discuss.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite