IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that celebrities should accept the way the media publicize their private life as part of their fame. Do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays,
media
Use synonyms
publicize
Replace the word
publicity
show examples
 has
significant
Add an article
a significant
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 role in the
celebrities
Use synonyms
'
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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. If
celebrities
Use synonyms
 want to be famous, they would create something interesting;
therefore
Linking Words
media
Use synonyms
 will
Add a missing verb
be interest
show examples
interest
Replace the word
interested
show examples
 and use it
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their works.
Use synonyms
Celebrities
Change noun form
Celebrities'
Celebrity's
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lives
Use synonyms
 can not be separated
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
Use synonyms
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
. These days, there are numerous people
said
Wrong verb form
who say
show examples
 that
celebrities
Use synonyms
 need privacy in their
lives
Use synonyms
that
Correct word choice
but
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 sometimes get ignored by
media
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 workers. I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because being exposed to the
media
Use synonyms
 is part of their work.
Celebrities
Use synonyms
 must accept it and try to think on the positive
sides
Fix the agreement mistake
side
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will examine all the relevant opinions based on factual premises. There are several arguments which
agreed
Wrong verb form
agree
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 with
this
Linking Words
 statement. The most prominent one is that they have another life outside
being
Change preposition
of being
show examples
celebrities
Use synonyms
. They have family that may not like to get spotlights.
For example
Linking Words
, some artists who
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
reported cheating with their colleague's husband
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in
this
Linking Words
 situation not just the artist who will get all the
attentions
Fix the agreement mistake
attention
show examples
,
their
Correct word choice
but their
show examples
 children who
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not know anything will get the adverse effects.
Therefore
Linking Words
, having
private
Add an article
a private
show examples
 life is important to the
celebrities
Use synonyms
 to avoid something undesirable
happened
Wrong verb form
happening
show examples
 to their family.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
celebrities
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 cannot be too
closed
Replace the word
close
show examples
 about their
lives
Use synonyms
 to
Use synonyms
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
, because it is part of their occupation.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is
mutually
Correct article usage
a mutually
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 beneficial relationship between
celebrities
Use synonyms
 and the
media
Use synonyms
 industry.
Media
Use synonyms
 gets outlined news, and
celebrities
Use synonyms
 get well-known
wider
Replace the word
widely
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, If musicians want to introduce their music to
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
, they would seek
assist
Replace the word
assistance
show examples
 from
Use synonyms
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
 to promote more about their songs. In conclusion, obtaining exposure for their projects is one of the positive impacts
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
media
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, we cannot ignore that
Use synonyms
media
Correct article usage
the media
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 industry needs news especially controversial
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 to stay exist.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in my opinion, getting exposed
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
 about their private
lives
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is part of their profession.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and be well-developed with supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your essay. Use a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively to help link ideas and paragraphs together smoothly.
task achievement
To fully address the task, make sure you respond completely to all parts of the prompt. Provide a clear and direct response to the question in your introduction, with a restatement in your conclusion.
task achievement
Enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. Develop your arguments thoroughly and make sure each paragraph contributes to the overall position taken in regards to the essay question.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to support your points. These examples should clearly connect to and illustrate your arguments, enhancing the persuasiveness of your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • scrutiny
  • invasive
  • paparazzi
  • ethical boundaries
  • psychological stress
  • public eye
  • role model
  • human rights
  • rumors
  • relevance
  • legitimate interest
  • consent
  • media ethics
  • privacy
  • fame
  • celebrity
  • public interest
  • public good
What to do next:
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