Some people think it's important for children to choose what they want to study at school, other THINK that it is wrong explain both and give your opinion.

#people #children #study #school

There are different opinions about how schools should design and implement the curriculum. Some people think that schools should continue teaching all

subjects

in a traditional way,

while

others believe that

students

should only learn

subjects

they are interested in. In my view, children should learn all

subjects

until a certain age and

then

have the freedom to choose their area of study. On

one

Correct article usage

the one

show examples

hand, it is important for

students

to learn all

subjects

in school because it helps with their

overall

development and general knowledge. Having basic knowledge in each subject expands their understanding and prevents them from being limited to one area of interest.

For example

, basic math skills like addition and subtraction are important for everyday activities.

Additionally

, learning all

subjects

allows

students

to make informed choices about their

favorite

Change the spelling

favourite

show examples

subject

Fix the agreement mistake

subjects

show examples

However

, I

also

believe that children should not be forced to study

subjects

they have no or little interest in.

This

old-fashioned approach limits their flexibility and takes away their enthusiasm for learning. It can result in average performance when they could excel in their preferred

subjects

Furthermore

students

tend to perform better and enjoy studying when they have a genuine interest in a particular subject. In conclusion, I strongly believe that

while

it is important for children to have knowledge of all

subjects

for their

overall

development, they should

also

have the opportunity to study their

favorite

Change the spelling

favourite

show examples

subjects

in depth.

Submitted by shafiei_r on Thu Dec 14 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. While there was a structure, some transitions between points were abrupt.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion were present and appropriately framed the discussion, but consider making your conclusion more impactful.

coherence cohesion

Support main points with specific and relevant examples. Several assertions could have been strengthened with concrete examples.

task achievement

Fully explore all parts of the prompt by discussing both views and your own opinion. Your personal opinion could be more distinct and better explained.

task achievement

Develop ideas comprehensively by expanding on your points in a clearer, more detailed manner.

task achievement

Incorporate more specific examples to illustrate your arguments, as this will make your essay more persuasive and relatable.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

236 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think it's important for children to choose what they want to study at school, other THINK that it is wrong explain both and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Many people today are worried about cybercrime chess hacking and identity theft. What problems does cybercrime cause, and what solutions can you suggest for ordinary people and business to take?

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

ome children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this case? Do you think is a positive or negative develompent?

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships that people make? Has this been a positive or negative development?