IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Analysts tell us that many people today feel stressed and think they have insufficient control over their lives. What problems do such feelings cause? What remedies could you suggest?

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Contemporary research illustrates that the majority proportion feel stressed and do not have control over their lives.
This
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 essay will present comprehensive circumstances associated with
this
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 trend and discuss the possible solutions for them. It is not a fallacy to assume that
depression
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 and stress are mainly associated with any individual’s behaviour and the capacity of the brain.
Firstly
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, a proportion may assume that multitasking may save time and complete many targets at the same time. Ultimately, doing vast amounts of
work
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 may notoriously lead to
depression
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, since the majority of times they may not complete any
work
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at the end
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.
Moreover
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, there is a tendency to start
work
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 at the
last
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 moment,
as well as
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 working without a proper schedule.
For instance
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, many targets will be collected without understanding and may lead to egregious repercussions
such
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 as
depression
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. One possible solution for the trend is
to begin
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 the
work
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 as soon as they get it and make a conspicuous timetable.
For example
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, scheduling
work
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 may guide any individual to make their
work
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 possible without any stress.
Furthermore
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, a recent examination manifests that having a proper and continuous bedtime will diminish any mental issues
such
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 as
depression
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.
In addition
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, getting a healthy diet and working out daily may ameliorate any internal aggression.
To sum up
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, people sense internal pressure
due to
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 various circumstances
such
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 as multitasking, postponing targets, and poor time management.
However
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, it is not a fallacy to assume that countless remedies can be identified
such
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 as a healthy diet, an acceptable schedule, and adequate exercise.

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Coherence & Cohesion
While your essay has a logical flow of ideas and paragraphs, it can benefit from clearer connectivity between sentences. Use linking words more effectively to improve the transitions between different points.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure each main point you introduce in your essay is backed up by concrete examples or further explanation. This strengthens your arguments and makes your writing more convincing.
Task Achievement
Your essay fulfils the requirements of the task to a good extent by addressing the causes and remedies for stress and lack of control in one's life. However, your response misses out on a discussion of the problems caused by such feelings. Make sure to tackle all parts of the question fully for a higher task achievement score.
Task Achievement
In the part of your essay where you present solutions, you could provide clear and relevant examples to illustrate your points more vividly. Specific examples help to demonstrate the practical application of proposed solutions and make your essay more credible.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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