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Band 5

Is it better for students to study from home rather than go to school? Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#students #study #home #school
In recent years, there have been people who argue that it is better for
student
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the student
a student
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 to spend their
times
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time
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study
Wrong verb form
studying
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 at
home
 rather than
go
Wrong verb form
going
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 to
school
. I disagree with
this
 statement
,
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apply
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 because it will
difficult
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be difficult
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 for them to build their social skills. In
this
 essay, I will examine all the relevant opinions based on factual premises. There are several arguments to support
this
statements
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statement
show examples
. The predominant one is that students need to build their social
skill
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skills
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 might be difficult to gain
it
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apply
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by learning at
home
.
Moreover
, there are not many people who can spend time
for
Change preposition
with
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 their
children
 at
home
 because they are engaged
with
Change preposition
in
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 their occupations.
For example
, in
school
, there are teachers
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 can focus on guiding and teaching their
children
.
In addition
,
children
 can learn numerous things in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
such
 as how to communicate with other pupils, form their characters and learn
how
Rephrase
apply
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to
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apply
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empathy which
are
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is
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 difficult to obtain
this
 skills if they learn
it
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apply
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at
home
.
Furthermore
,
children
 would learn how to share with
other
Correct your spelling
their
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 peers.
Therefore
 formal education at
school
 is prominent to students because there are numerous things that they can learn.
On the other hand
, parents might not have time to send their
children
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
everyday
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every day
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 and may prefer to help their
children
 learn from
home
.
However
, the benefits that
children
 will gain
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 as significant as learning at
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
. In conclusion, in
school
,
children
 can learn everything, and there are teachers who supervise their activities and help them to seek their talents.
Submitted by gladysdharmawan1994 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure consistent logical flow and clarity throughout the essay. Use cohesive devices effectively to enhance the logical progression of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Expand on the supporting arguments with more detailed and varied examples. Ensure that the main points are fully developed and that each paragraph contributes to the overarching argument.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task, providing a balanced view where appropriate. Make sure to include a clear opinion and round off your essay with a summarising conclusion.
task achievement
Illustrate your points with specific, relevant examples to strengthen arguments. Avoid general statements, and aim to give concrete instances that effectively back up your views.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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