IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines. Should parents be made by law to immunize their children against common diseases or should individuals have the right to choose not to immunize their children? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#childhood #diseases #vaccines #parents #law #immunize #children #individuals #right
Through scientific research,
vaccines
 have proven to effectively help build the immunity of an individual.
According to
 me,
vaccines
 are important to be given to
children
, and
therefore
, laws should be made for parents to legally immunize
children
.
Firstly
, laws manufactured for providing
vaccines
 to
children
 may cause an uproar as it may affect an individual right
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 freedom.
Secondly
, as
production
Correct article usage
the production
show examples
 of
vaccines
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 expensive marketing of
vaccines
 tends to be more expensive,
therefore
, it cannot be administered to an individual of a lower sector as it is not affordable. In comparison, laws made to immunize
children
 may prevent
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
 that can be avoided and
hence
 decrease
death
Add an article
the death
show examples
 rate.
Furthermore
, it helps build immunity
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 an infant at an early age which when contracted with the disease produces antibodies to fight the disease.
to conclude
 though legalizing
vaccines
 may have
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 disadvantages
vaccines
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 important for building the immunity of an infant
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
according to
 me,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 should be legalized.
Submitted by gomezscarlett1826 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Be sure to have a clear logical structure to your essay, which includes linking words and clear topic sentences for each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to always introduce the topic and provide a conclusion to sum up your points and restate your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with clear examples or explanations. This strengthens the argument and cohesion of the essay.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task, presenting a clear position throughout the response.
task achievement
Ensure your ideas are clear and developed comprehensively. Add complexity where appropriate to showcase your ability to discuss the topic in depth.
task achievement
Include relevant, specific examples to support your arguments. This will help to demonstrate the ability to use real-life scenarios to support your views.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: