IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Numerous animal species worldwide are currently facing extinction. Some argue that countries and individuals should prioritize protecting these animals, while others believe resources should be focused more on human issues. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It is true that many kinds of animals are encountering survival challenges around the world.
Therefore
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, some people harbour a belief that the conservation issue should be prioritized, whilst others hold the reverse viewpoint that human issues are more important. Since both proportions are equally vital, I am inclined to stand neutrally with the statement. An in-depth discussion
as well as
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 my thoughts will be highlighted in the write-up.
Initially
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, one of the main arguments in its favour is that the majority of resources are used by mankind which brings other species a relatively challenging environment and even leads to the consequence of extinction.
For example
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, the common use of air conditioners has caused serious climate changes and strictly influenced polar bears’ habitat.
Hence
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, people should take responsibility to protect those groups which are facing survival struggles so as to live in harmony with other species and create a sustainable world. At the other end of the spectrum, human well-being should be primarily focused on the sake of the comprehensive development of the human race.
Besides
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, the resources should be cherished and optimally distributed because they are limited.
For instance
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, governments in developing countries have no choice but to strengthen economic growth
instead
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 of conservation subjects
due to
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 inadequate resources.
According to
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 the aforementioned, long-term benefits for people’s future should be considered a priority.
To sum up
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, despite the fact that conserving animals is an essential part of environmental protection, the significance of human welfare cannot be ignored. It takes all humanity to work together to strike a balance between saving wildlife and existence in order to build a win-win situation for both sides.

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task achievement
Address both sides of the argument clearly, providing a more in-depth exploration of each viewpoint. Aim to include specific examples that support each side of the argument to demonstrate a well-rounded understanding of the issue.
coherence cohesion
Ensure logical sequencing of ideas and paragraphs. Use a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of information throughout the essay.
task achievement
While the conclusion is present, strive to offer a more decisive opinion on the issue. Your neutrality is noted, but it would benefit from a stronger, more substantiated personal viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
To enrich the essay, incorporate varied sentence structures without compromising grammatical accuracy. A balance of complex and simple sentences can enhance readability and demonstrate linguistic proficiency.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • endangered species
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem
  • conservation
  • intrinsic value
  • sustainable practices
  • limited resources
  • poverty
  • disease
  • education
  • innovation
  • balanced approach
  • well-being
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