It is a natural process for animal species to become extinct (e.g. dinosaur, dodo…) There is no reason why people should try to prevent this from happening. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There were many
species
in ancient times but Use synonyms
due to
some calamities or Linking Words
disasters
they were extinct now. So in Add a comma
disasters,
this
Linking Words
way
if we do not save them all Add a comma
way,
animals
will be extinct.And I Use synonyms
goes
with the point to save it.
Once upon a time , there were huge Change the verb form
go
animals
living on the earth like dinosaurs which are not available nowadays Use synonyms
due to
natural calamities , they became extinct. So , Linking Words
government
should take the necessary steps to prevent these Add an article
the government
species
from being extinct . People should try to prevent Use synonyms
this
because if some Linking Words
species
are not there in the ecology system Use synonyms
than
it affects it. Every animal on earth is valuable and has its special features and work ,so in the absence of them the system will break and it will affect the Correct your spelling
then
ecology
system to a great extent.So, people and the government should take the necessary steps to prevent these Replace the word
ecological
species
.
Vultures in India are now disappearing slowly whose work is to eat dead Use synonyms
animals
. In the areas where the vultures are not found , the dead Use synonyms
animals
Use synonyms
got
rotten and their bad smell Wrong verb form
get
disperse
everywhere in the environment which Wrong verb form
is dispersed
cause
air pollution and spreads many diseases like asthma, infection etc. I have Change the verb form
causes
Change the verb form
listened
listen
Add the preposition
listen to
a news
in which a dog ate the meat of a dead rotten animal and Remove the article
news
a piece of news
than
Replace the word
then
bite
an old man in the park in the city centre of New Delhi in India ,later the old man died of Wrong verb form
bit
infection
after three months. Add an article
an infection
This
is an example which I know but there are many cases Linking Words
occuring
frequently.
Correct your spelling
occurring
Linking Words
Finally
I want to say that government and the people should together make the necessary plans and implement them to prevent Add a comma
Finally,
such
Linking Words
species
from being extinct. Use synonyms
Linking Words
Otherwise
it will lead to a very Add a comma
Otherwise,
serios
problem Correct your spelling
serious
of
the country which may Change preposition
for
than
become Replace the word
then
a
unremovable problem.Change the article
an
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coherence cohesion
There are significant issues with the logical structure of your essay. It is important to organize your ideas clearly and present them in a logical sequence that is easy to follow. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, and use transitional phrases to smoothly connect different paragraphs and ideas. Revising your essay structure will greatly improve the coherence and cohesion of your response.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but they need to be clearer and more impactful. The introduction should more precisely state the topic and your main argument, while the conclusion should effectively summarize your points and restate your position. Both should be compelling and set the tone for the essay's content.
coherence cohesion
While some main points are supported, there is room for more development and substantiation. Aim to provide clear examples, evidence, and explanations to support each point. This will add weight to your arguments and help the reader understand and be persuaded by your perspective.
task achievement
You partially address the task by providing a personal stance and some examples, however your response lacks full development. To achieve a higher score, construct a more detailed argument exploring all aspects of the prompt. Expand on the consequences and implications of animal extinction and articulate why efforts should be made to prevent it.
task achievement
The ideas presented in the essay need to be better developed and more comprehensive. Ensure that your writing clearly conveys your message and that each paragraph elaborates on the main idea sufficiently. Include more detailed examples and in-depth analysis to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You provided some relevant examples, but more specificity and variety could enhance your essay. Specific examples help illustrate your points and show a clear understanding of the topic. Draw on a range of evidence, such as scientific data, historical precedents, or personal observations, to enrich your response.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.