Most high level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree?
There is an intensive debate about 50% of those who occupy the top function in poor States are males .
However
, I totally agree with this
opinion that companies must take serious stages to enable women
to be in an upper management team. I believe those the later education
and a lack of transparency behind this
phenomenon. So , in this
article, I will discuss these two reasons in detail.
On one hand, a lot of third world countries have known schooling in the last
fifty years. For instance
, In Sudan, only a few women
had acknowledged teaching from 1950_1980. Whereas
, recently more women
have been accepted to education
in the last
thirty years. Moreover
, the absence of education
constitutes a real obstacle to employee women
in higher positions
because these occupations need more qualifications for appointment with those positions
. Nowadays, more and more women
are receiving an education
, so we can use them for those jobs in the near future.
On the other hand
, a lack of transparency is considered another barrier to women
's appointments. For example
, a large number of associates employed workers for reasons far away from their abilities. Furthermore
, this
is a real problem with the female's positions
, if there were justices in the employment process we could find a lot of women
in high positions
. In addition
, these days there are more methods to control a company's management, and these methods without a doubt will be contributing to women
's employment.
To conclude
, l totally agree that there are fewer women
who are appointed to high positions
. So , a lack of education
and transparency behind this
process. I accept in the near future we will see a lot of women
in high positions
because this
generation received more learning in
the opposite of previous generation.Change preposition
than
Submitted by mohammedelhassan811 on
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Task Achievement
To improve your score, make sure your essay directly addresses the question asked. This topic concerns developed countries, while your essay focuses on developing countries (e.g., Sudan). Directly relate your arguments to the context provided in the prompt.
Coherence & Cohesion
Structure your essay more clearly by introducing each paragraph with a topic sentence that summarizes the main point of the paragraph. Then, use supporting sentences to develop this main point further.
Task Achievement
Use specific examples to support your arguments. While you mention general situations, adding detailed examples (e.g., specific cases or statistical data) would strengthen your argumentation and make your ideas more persuasive.
Coherence & Cohesion
Check for grammatical errors and aim for variation in sentence structure. Using a mix of complex and compound sentences can make your essay more engaging.