Social media is popular and used by many people. However, some people think that social media can be bad for mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the idea. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience

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this

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contemporary world, it is undoubted that social

media

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has gained popularity and become an integral part of many individuals.

However

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, a school of thought holds that it can have detrimental effects on

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people

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’s mental health. In my opinion, I agree with

this

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view. On the one hand, social

media

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is undoubtedly a boon for many as it enables them to stay connected, share their ideas, and promote their businesses. To illustrate, students studying abroad can make video calls or post updates on Facebook, Instagram or other social networking sites to keep in touch with their families and friends at their own convenience.

Thus

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, they can get support from their loved ones should any difficulty or emergency arise. Social

media

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also

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an invaluable tool for businesses to reach a larger audience and increase their brand awareness.

For instance

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, small restaurants or eateries in Vietnam now utilize social

media

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to advertise their food and have more customers.

As a result

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, the economy will be greatly improved.

On the other hand

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, I am of the opinion that

such

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platforms can have adverse bearings on

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people

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’s lives.

Although

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social

media

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can help

people

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widen their social circle, it is highly addictive and can make many

people

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, especially young individuals, prioritize communicating via social

media

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over face-to-face interactions.

For example

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, a lot of adolescents and young adults in Japan now suffer from Hikikomori, a form of severe social withdrawal.

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this

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may lead to a lack of family and friends interactions and

people

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would suffer from loneliness or even depression.

Moreover

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due to

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its distracting nature, social

media

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also

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blamed for

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people

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’s short attention span which not only reduces their productivity in work and study but

also

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affects their well-being.

Besides

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, reading news on

such

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platforms can be stressful because not all information on social

media

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is reliable as there is a lot of fake news propagated by criminals to baffle the public and pose a threat to social stability. In conclusion,

although

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social

media

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is of great benefit in our modern world, I believe that it can have severe consequences on

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people

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’s mental health.

Therefore

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, it is essential that

people

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should use it wisely and moderately in order not to let it dominate their lives.

weezelWed Dec 20 2023

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language

To enhance your essay further, ensure that you consistently use a wide range of vocabulary and sentence structures. Avoid repetition of words like 'social media' and 'people' by replacing them with synonyms or paraphrasing.

coherence

Although the essay is very coherent, you could slightly improve the connections between your examples and your main points. This will further enhance the clarity of your arguments.

task achievement

Continue providing relevant, specific examples, as they strengthen your arguments. However, you could integrate a few more examples, preferably from different perspectives, to enrich your essay.

organization

Your essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs and conclusion, making it very coherent and easy to follow.

task response

You have provided a comprehensive response to the task, including well-developed ideas and relevant examples, which demonstrates a strong command of the topic.

language

The language used is clear and effective, and you have an excellent control over grammatical structures and vocabulary, which enhances the overall quality of the essay.

15
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

375 words

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