IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

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In the present world, there have many many innovations and
progresses
Correct subject-verb agreement
progress
show examples
 made in terms of agricultural products. Despite
this
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 fact, there are still many deprived people suffering from
hunger
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 around the
glob
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globe
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. There are many reasons why
this
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 situation
occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
occurs
. In the following essay, I will discuss the reasons and ways to combat
this
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 problem. To commence with, in the modern era, thanks to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cutting-edge technology, there have been many groundbreaking innovations done in the
ari-
Correct your spelling
area-food
food
Use synonyms
 industry.
However
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, in spite of
such
Linking Words
 advancements, the
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
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Correct pronoun usage
who have
show examples
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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deprived
from
Change the preposition
of
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 sufficient
food
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 have been proliferated in many countries in the
last
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 few decades and there are
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
myriad reasons for
this
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 circumstance.
First,
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climate change is the most probable reason for the
food
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 shortage. To be more precise, extreme weather conditions
such
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 as natural
disadters
Correct your spelling
disasters
disaster
 or prolonged
drought
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droughts
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 in certain
reigons
Correct your spelling
regions
 have prevented
food
Use synonyms
productions
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production
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.
Consequently
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, crops exposed to these extreme events may all die out.
Second,
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wars are
also
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 another reason for global
hunger
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. It is evident for survival, thousands of people start to migrate to avoid guns and fires. Meanwhile, these refugees
struggle
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who struggle
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 in a new place may would have difficulty finding and can not afford to buy
food
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.
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However
Add a comma
However,
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 there are solutions to face
this
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 acute
sitution
Correct your spelling
situation
 and
this
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 will be feasible with
helping
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the helping
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 hand of the government and anti-
hunger
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 organizations.First of all, they should
introduced
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introduce
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 new laws and stricter regulations to stop and inhibit violent attacks, social riots and wars.
Moreover
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, it is necessary to distribute
food
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 from rich in agricultural products countries to bereaved nations dealing with wars and climate
changes
Fix the agreement mistake
change
show examples
.
Thus
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, with the
mentiened
Correct your spelling
mentioned
 solutions, individuals, agri-
food
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 industry
managements
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managers
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 and organizations can have significant impacts on combating universal
hunger
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.
To conclude
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, nowadays, various approaches have been made
on
Change preposition
to
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 enhancing the agricultural industry.
However
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, there are umpteen individuals living in poverty and do not have enough money for even a single meal. There could be still different solutions implemented by
authourities
Correct your spelling
authorities
 to help
fighting with
Wrong verb form
fight
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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global
hunger
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
The essay follows a basic logical structure but could benefit from clearer paragraphing and more explicit logical transitions between ideas. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic and that the progression from one point to the next is smooth.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but should include a more precise thesis statement and summary of the main points raised in the essay. In the conclusion, it's also essential to clearly restate your main arguments.
coherence cohesion
While the main points are outlined, they could be developed further with more detailed support and examples. Make sure that each argument is expanded with specific details or data to strengthen the discussion.
task achievement
You have addressed the task reasonably well by identifying some causes and solutions for global hunger. However, the response could have reflected a deeper analysis of the question and a broader range of ideas. Explore the question from multiple perspectives and provide a more thorough examination of the topic to receive a higher score.
task achievement
Your ideas are apparent but sometimes lack depth. Try to more fully explore each point with clear, comprehensive explanations and avoid general statements. For a stronger score, your arguments should be presented with ample support and elaboration.
task achievement
The essay includes some examples but lacks specific, relevant instances that directly support the points being made. Use real-world evidence, studies, or statistics to substantiate your arguments and provide concrete illustrations of the issues at hand.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
What to do next:
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