In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?
In the present world, there have many many innovations and
progresses
made in terms of agricultural products. Despite Correct subject-verb agreement
progress
this
fact, there are still many deprived people suffering from hunger
around the glob
. There are many reasons why Correct your spelling
globe
this
situation occured
. In the following essay, I will discuss the reasons and ways to combat Correct your spelling
occurred
occurs
this
problem.
To commence with, in the modern era, thanks to the
cutting-edge technology, there have been many groundbreaking innovations done in the Correct article usage
apply
ari-
Correct your spelling
area-food
food
industry. However
, in spite of such
advancements, the people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
Correct pronoun usage
who have
have
deprived Unnecessary verb
apply
from
sufficient Change the preposition
of
food
have been proliferated in many countries in the last
few decades and there are a
myriad reasons for Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
this
circumstance. First,
climate change is the most probable reason for the food
shortage. To be more precise, extreme weather conditions such
as natural disadters
or prolonged Correct your spelling
disasters
disaster
drought
in certain Fix the agreement mistake
droughts
reigons
have prevented Correct your spelling
regions
food
productions
. Fix the agreement mistake
production
Consequently
, crops exposed to these extreme events may all die out. Second,
wars are also
another reason for global hunger
. It is evident for survival, thousands of people start to migrate to avoid guns and fires. Meanwhile, these refugees struggle
in a new place may would have difficulty finding and can not afford to buy Correct pronoun usage
who struggle
food
.
However
there are solutions to face Add a comma
However,
this
acute sitution
and Correct your spelling
situation
this
will be feasible with helping
hand of the government and anti-Correct article usage
the helping
hunger
organizations.First of all, they should introduced
new laws and stricter regulations to stop and inhibit violent attacks, social riots and wars. Change the verb form
introduce
Moreover
, it is necessary to distribute food
from rich in agricultural products countries to bereaved nations dealing with wars and climate changes
. Fix the agreement mistake
change
Thus
, with the mentiened
solutions, individuals, agri-Correct your spelling
mentioned
food
industry managements
and organizations can have significant impacts on combating universal Replace the word
managers
hunger
.
To conclude
, nowadays, various approaches have been made on
enhancing the agricultural industry. Change preposition
to
However
, there are umpteen individuals living in poverty and do not have enough money for even a single meal. There could be still different solutions implemented by authourities
to help Correct your spelling
authorities
fighting with
Wrong verb form
fight
the
global Correct article usage
apply
hunger
.Submitted by sarina.chenare78 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay follows a basic logical structure but could benefit from clearer paragraphing and more explicit logical transitions between ideas. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic and that the progression from one point to the next is smooth.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but should include a more precise thesis statement and summary of the main points raised in the essay. In the conclusion, it's also essential to clearly restate your main arguments.
coherence cohesion
While the main points are outlined, they could be developed further with more detailed support and examples. Make sure that each argument is expanded with specific details or data to strengthen the discussion.
task achievement
You have addressed the task reasonably well by identifying some causes and solutions for global hunger. However, the response could have reflected a deeper analysis of the question and a broader range of ideas. Explore the question from multiple perspectives and provide a more thorough examination of the topic to receive a higher score.
task achievement
Your ideas are apparent but sometimes lack depth. Try to more fully explore each point with clear, comprehensive explanations and avoid general statements. For a stronger score, your arguments should be presented with ample support and elaboration.
task achievement
The essay includes some examples but lacks specific, relevant instances that directly support the points being made. Use real-world evidence, studies, or statistics to substantiate your arguments and provide concrete illustrations of the issues at hand.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example