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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The concept of success has varying interpretations. Some individuals attribute success to hard work and determination, while others emphasize factors such as wealth and physical appearance as being more influential. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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The definition of
success
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 differs from
person
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 to
person
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. Some people harbour a belief that diligence and determination will result in
success
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, whilst others hold the reversed viewpoint that money and physical appearance are more powerful. I am inclined to stand neutrally with the two points of view since the latter factors bring about more opportunities but the former ones will be vital support when encountering challenges before succeeding.
Initially
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, one of the main arguments in its favour of hard work and determination is because of the notion of "no pain, no gain." The concept attributes people's achievements to their endeavours.
For instance
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, in Asian culture, students are taught to study hard for high scores. The importance of diligence has been emphasized since childhood. As the thoughts are rooted in mind, the effort which individuals involved will build up sturdy steps towards
success
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 and even bring them a sense of satisfaction.
Furthermore
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, the process will play an indispensable role in supporting a
person
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 when struggling.
On the other hand
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 of the spectrum, the majority of power is seized by the rich and good-looking people usually catch public attention which makes it much easier to give others great impressions. If both of the power is properly used, it will precipitate positive outcomes.Take social media
for example
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, there are many influencers who are known for their luxury lifestyles and perfect body fitness. They use these icons to attract followers since individuals who meet both criteria are prone to be considered successful. In line with the phenomenon, the influence of wealth and physical appearance can not be denied.
To sum up
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, despite the fact that crowds tend to judge a
person
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 by his/her economic status or physical appearance, the virtue of hard work and determination must not be ignored. Fortune and beautiful/handsome looks are able to create a fine beginning.
However
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, when someone is determined to work hard for accomplishments, the
success
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 will be long-lasting.

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coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, ensure that your paragraphs are well-structured and each contain a clear main idea. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs effectively, but be careful not to overuse them. Aim for clarity in expressing the relationships between your ideas.
task achievement
In terms of task achievement, your response should fully address all parts of the task. Present ideas that are relevant to the prompt with sufficient development and support. Use specific examples where possible to back up your points. Also, ensure that your own opinion is clear and consistent throughout the essay.
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