IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Differences between countries become less evident each year. Nowadays, all over the world people share the same fashions, advertising, brands, eating habits and TV channels. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#differences #countries #year #world #people #fashions #brands #habits #tv #channels #trend
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Nowadays more and more
people
, cultures,
countries
Correct word choice
and countries
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 are becoming similar to each other. Every small
things
Change to a singular noun
thing
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 can be highly popular in many countries at the same time. Let us understand
is
Correct your spelling
if
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this
Correct determiner usage
apply
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globalization good or
nor
Correct your spelling
not
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 for
general
Add an article
the general
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 public and how
is
Correct your spelling
it
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impact
Wrong verb form
impacts
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 our lives. Personally, I understand the importance of international information exchange where
people
 can share their ideas conveying valuable
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
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.
Thus
, many activities,
things
Correct word choice
and things
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 become on demand in every country.
The
Correct article usage
A
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 great example is how the fashion industry decided to get used to oversize clothing. In the USA many citizens were suffering from obesity and in everyday routine
such
 clothes became comfortable and really popular. Some years later the whole country changed their mind and started wearing it everywhere: in museums, schools,
theaters
Change the spelling
theatres
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 and other popular entertainment places. Oversize was a distinctive part of the period of time in the USA history and now
this
 trend we can easily contemplate even in every country. These casual clothes are popular among fashion icons, cinema stars and other celebrities, so our eyes are got used to it.
Thus
,
people
 just steal great
practice
Fix the agreement mistake
practices
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 and adopt
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 to their cultures.
However
, the key problem is that
people
 ruin their national identity with their culture. Watching Hollywood films
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
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 different role models and different lifestyles, so
people
 feel
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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uncomfortable in
everyday
Correct pronoun usage
their everyday
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routine
Fix the agreement mistake
routines
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.
Moreover
, getting dressed up like
main
Correct article usage
the main
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 characters of American films can make the way you look
like
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apply
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off the peg. All in all, using the best practice is cool, but adopting all foreign products and masterpieces can ruin your identity, so
people
 become unfamiliar
to
Change preposition
with
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 each other. Their mindsets separate citizens killing their culture.
Therefore
, it is just necessary to develop your own traditions and different eating habits, TV channels and other popular activities.
Submitted by shebanovsergey938 on

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introduction conclusion
Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. The purpose and structure of the essay should be established in the introduction, and the conclusion should clearly summarize your key points without introducing new ideas.
develop arguments
Your main points need to be supported by more focused and developed arguments, evidence, or examples. The current support lacks depth, making your argument less persuasive.
logical structure
Try to organize your ideas more logically. Each paragraph should contain one main idea and a clear connection to the thesis or topic of your essay. Avoid jumping between ideas without clear transitions.
task response
Ensure all parts of the task prompt are addressed. Develop both sides of the argument, discussing the advantages and dangers equally, and express your personal position more explicitly.
sentence complexity
Focus on clarity and avoid overly complex sentences. This will help your audience understand your ideas more easily. Aim for a balance between long and short sentences to enhance readability.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural globalization
  • Cultural exchange
  • Cross-cultural communication
  • Assimilation
  • Homogenization
  • Acculturation
  • Traditional customs
  • Local economies
  • Diversity
  • Inclusion
What to do next:
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