discuss both views: some people believe family influence the children’ development; however, some argue that other influences (movie, music, friends…) more affect children.

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The question of what influences a child's development is an ongoing topic of discussion. Some assert that the family is the primary influence,

while

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others argue that friends, music, and movies play more significant roles. In

this

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essay, I will explore both perspectives, discussing how families shape children and considering the impact of external influences. On one hand, families play a crucial role in the growth of their kids as primary caregivers and mentors.

For instance

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, parents who actively encourage a child's curiosity and nurture critical thinking significantly contribute to their intellectual growth.

Additionally

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, when parents model positive behaviours like kindness and cooperation, these actions help them understand and adopt essential societal norms. These early lessons not only impact their current behaviour but

also

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establish a foundation for future decision-making. In essence, the family serves as a cornerstone in fostering not just the child's immediate well-being but

also

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their long-term growth.

On the other hand

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, external factors like movies, music, and friends wield considerable influence over a youngster's thoughts and behaviours. The lyrics of songs and the content of films, encountered by nearly all youngsters, shape their perspectives and understanding of the world.

For example

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, exposure to melody with positive messages or films that promote empathy can contribute to their emotional development.

Furthermore

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, the influence of friends should not be underestimated. Friendships often involve shared experiences and fun, significantly contributing to their mindset. Children engaging in dynamic and friendly environments may develop essential qualities like open-mindedness, adaptability, and teamwork, which are valuable beyond the confines of the family setting. In

this

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way, external influences, including media and peer interactions, play a vital part in shaping their worldview and social skills. In conclusion,

while

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many children are

initially

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shaped by their families, others are influenced by their surroundings. The environment, including peers and external factors, can

also

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play an important part in determining the kind of individuals they become.

cathyngo1512Sat Dec 23 2023

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task achievement

To improve task response, it is beneficial to include more specific examples illustrating the influences of family and external factors on a child's development. Moving beyond general statements to provide tangible illustrations will strengthen the argument.

coherence cohesion

Regarding coherence and cohesion, consider creating clearer connections between the ideas within each paragraph and between paragraphs. Transition words and phrases can be used more effectively to build a seamless link between family influence and external factors.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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9
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

318 words

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discuss both views: some people believe family influence the children’ development; however, some argue that other influences (movie, music, friends…) more affect children.

Your opinion

Some people feel that boarding schools are an excellent option for children, while other people disagree for many reasons. Consider both sides of this debate and conclude.

Online education is becoming increasingly popular nowadays. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this format?

Many developing countries are currently expanding their tourism industries. Why is this the case? What are the problems?

Both government investment in public transport systems and reductions in public transport ticket prices will help to reduce transport pollution greatly. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people believe it is better to raise children in the city, while others consider the countryside to be a more suitable choice.