In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Due to
developments in technology and the tight schedules of individuals,
people
's lifestyles are getting unhealthier, and gaining weight is becoming common in societies.
This
phenomenon is caused by two main reasons and a number of solutions are possible. the first and most important reason for overwhelming weight is technology,
people
's lives are more convenient and much easier.
This
leads to a sedentary lifestyle and lack of physical activities, consider juveniles' entertainment as an example they prefer playing video games or watching a movie rather than going out with their peers and playing soccer, or employees who have desk jobs not only do not have time for exercise but
also
they prefer using modes of transportation with less walking distances required.
Secondly
, both parents and children have unhealthy diets and consume fast
foods
and junk
foods
, because they are more accessible and individuals often do not have enough time to prepare proper and healthy food. These
foods
are full of sugar and fat which cause obesity and other diseases in bodies. Turning to possible solutions, the workplaces should set regulations and add some facilities
such
as gyms for workers so they are forced to exercise during the day. A
further
option is encouraging
people
to use bicycles or pedestrian ways,
this
requires authorities' attention and the construction of new amenities in the city, in order to get fitter and have the opportunity to go to work more energetically.
Finally
, increasing public awareness about healthy diets and the beneficial effects of organic ingredients can restrict
people
from purchasing convenient meals, the other option is allocating tax incentives for those who sell and buy these materials
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the government, so the price always stays lower than junk
foods
. In conclusion, technology and unhealthy diets are causing less physical activity and obesity among individuals, the practical action to solve these problems is the role of authorities in building sports
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
and facilities, and
also
the
people
's choices, if they are knowledgeable enough, they will choose a healthy routine.
Submitted by soltaninejad_sahel on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
In regard to task achievement, ensure that your response thoroughly addresses all parts of the task. The essay could be improved by providing more detailed and specific examples to support claims and arguments, enhancing the strength of the response.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, maintaining a logical structure is key. While the essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, some points within the body paragraphs could be more effectively developed and linked. Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing techniques to improve the overall flow of your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • physical activity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • exercise
  • unhealthy diet
  • fast food
  • urbanization
  • modernization
  • stress
  • awareness
  • education
  • government intervention
  • policies
  • promotion
  • sports
  • fitness programs
  • health education
  • taxation
  • public transportation
  • infrastructure
  • parks
  • recreational spaces
What to do next:
Look at other essays: