IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that governments should invest mainly in making public transportation faster while other think there are more important priorities (cost, the environment). Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #governments #transportation #priorities #cost #environment
Nowadays, many
people
 argue that states have to devote a significant part of their budget to
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
 high-speed public
transportation
.
However
, some individuals disagree and they assume the government should prioritize other aspects roughly
such
 as environmental protection and other great issues. I believe both have their sets of pros and cons and authorities should intend both equally.
To begin
 with, I assume that connectivity is by far the most important aspect of
people
's lives. During a daily commute, our community are dependent on public carriage and governments have to have a program to develop and expand it. In fact, it is one of the greatest responsibilities of governments regarding their
people
. In
this
 way, not only they can improve the quality of life
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 can do some eco-friendly work to not damage the environment and reduce the amount of fuel wasted by rapid electronic trains.
For example
, many experts claim that it is rational opinion to enhance
this
 way of
transportation
 and reduce the cost of fuel, concurrently.
Therefore
, it leads to money-saving
as well as
 planning for our surroundings.
Additionally
, today, I believe environmental issues are one of the biggest challenges we are facing and they could not be negligible.
Firstly
, we have to hire green and regenerative appliances
such
 as those mentioned above, to make our environment cleaner.
Secondly
, the cost of medical and health insurance has to be considered.
However
, it is achievable when
people
 use more public
transportation
 and it is not achieved , but with the help of public
transportation
 expansion. In conclusion,
Whereas
 many
people
 believe in putting some subjects priority, I reflect on the idea that we have to advance all of them in the same way.
Submitted by farzin_seyednejad on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and the transitions between paragraphs are smooth and logical. Use a variety of linking words to connect ideas effectively.
coherence cohesion
To achieve better cohesion, maintain consistency in the use of pronouns and make sure reference words are clear. Repeat key nouns and use synonyms to avoid redundancy and to tie sentences together more seamlessly.
task achievement
Ensure that you address all parts of the task prompt in your response. Attention should be paid to fully answering the question, discussing both views and giving your own opinion with adequate development of these points.
task achievement
Provide a range of ideas supported by detailed examples or explanations. Make sure the examples are relevant to the topic and illustrate the points being made. Avoid general statements and strive for specificity to substantiate your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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