IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Governments should spend more money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#governments #money #railways #roads
Nowadays,
transport
 is the major way of travelling.Even,there are two schools of thought.It is argued that the government should invest more money in trains rather than
roads
.
Although
 some people could think that
railways
 are essential, I completely disagree with
this
 point of view,because
roads
 are more flexible,cheap to build,and the advancement of technology in
road
transport
. The first reason,why I disagree is that
roads
 offer flexibility more than
railways
.A good example of
this
 is that,if politicians spend more money on the construction of
roads
,
roads
 can reach rural areas more easily than trains.
In addition
,it provides individuals with the freedom to travel at their own convenience.
Instead
,investing in
railways
 could be more straightforward and it could not provide freedom of movement. Technology advancement in
road
transport
 is the second reason, for my disagreement.
Moreover
,it is considered that with the advent of electric and autonomous vehicles,
road
transport
 may become more sustainable in future.
For instance
,electric cars are more economical,and
due to
 the advancement of technology, people like to use these types of vehicles.So,
roads
 are essential to build.
Additionally
,auto-drive vehicles are produced,which can
be contributed
Wrong verb form
contribute
show examples
 to fewer accidents, and are efficient.
Therefore
,
roads
 are more flexible,and in the future
roads
 will provide more opportunities.
Thirdly
,
roads
 can be produced cheaply.
In other words
,a small amount of budget is required to build the
road
, as compared to the railway,which requires a lot of initial investment.
Hence
,
roads
 are cheap. In conclusion,the authorities should invest in
roads
instead
 of
railways
.For one thing,
roads
 provide more flexibility,for another they will play an important role in future,to drive electric and automotive cars.
Thus
,governments should prefer to build
roads
instead
 of
all invest
Wrong verb form
investing
show examples
 in
railways
.
Submitted by jamalashraf45 on

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task achievement
Throughout the essay, ensure that ideas are fully developed and expanded upon. The use of specific, illustrative examples can enhance your argument and provide concrete evidence to support your points. Aim to demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic with well-explained reasons and results.
coherence cohesion
Strive for a logical progression of ideas throughout your essay. Use cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs together, but be careful not to overuse them. Effective paragraphing with clear topic sentences can help the reader follow your line of reasoning.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Carbon emissions
  • Mass transportation
  • Traffic congestion
  • Economic growth
  • Regional development
  • Initial investment
  • Feasibility
  • Flexibility
  • Rural areas
  • Integration
  • Sustainable
  • Efficiency
  • Infrastructure
  • Commuters
  • Public expenditure
  • Autonomous vehicles
  • Long-term investment
  • Accessibility
  • Connectivity
  • Modal shift
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