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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Very few schoolchildren learn about the value of money and how to look after it, yet this is a critical life skill that should be taught as part of the school curriculum. Do you agree or disagree?

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In terms of redefining education, a debate has sparked on whether students should be taught with
money
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 utilization and
savings
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 as their regular curriculum. As far as my opinion is concerned, I strongly agree with the statement and will provide its justifications in upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, the most important learning is
savings
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, a few parents teach their children about
savings
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 and the right utilization of their
money
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;
however
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, many other fails to do so. A recent study by the University of California has shown that students who are taught
money
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 management at an early age become more responsible
while
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 spending and saving.
For instance
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, when I was young, I used to spend and waste a lot of my
money
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 on expensive gadgets, I never saved my
money
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.
On the other hand
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, young children should be introduced to the concept of investment. As the inflation rate is increasing day by day, people are required to learn
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money building
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money-building
show examples
 skills to survive at an early age. To achieve
this
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, they should have the knowledge of investment and profits. They must be able to understand the share market and how they can earn huge profits from it.
For example
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, people investing in the share market earn huge profits when they get an in-depth understanding and daily trends. With regular learning and proper guidance from their teachers and experts, they can make
money
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 in the future.
To conclude
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, I would like to assert that, it is beneficial to learn the value of
money
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 and the concepts of investment,
savings
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 and other aspects of
money
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. One can not only survive with these skills but can build huge empires with them.

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and sufficiently delineate the essay's aim and stance. However, the analysis could be more persuasive with additional evidence and examples supporting main points.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical structure, but transitions between ideas can be smoother. It's important for paragraphs to flow seamlessly, with each sentence leading naturally to the next.
coherence cohesion
Supporting points are given, but they would benefit from being expanded upon. It is important to not only state but to also explain how each point reinforces the argument.
task achievement
The response to the task is complete and the writer's position is clear throughout the essay. Reflection on the prompts is evident, though expanding on ideas and illustrating them with specific examples could enhance the articulation.
task achievement
Ideas are clear but need to be communicated more comprehensively. This includes further elaboration, detailing of points and explaining nuances of the argument.
task achievement
While relevant examples are used, they should be more specific and directly linked to the claims made. Where possible, provide concrete examples from credible sources or studies to support the points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial literacy
  • curriculum
  • fiscal responsibility
  • money management
  • budgeting
  • saving
  • investing
  • adult population
  • financial decisions
  • educational systems
  • theoretical curriculum
  • practical life skills
  • real-life experience
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