IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the Internet is making the world smaller by bringing people together. To what extent do you agree that the internet is making it easier for people to communicate with one another?

#people #internet #world
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It is a popular consensus among
people
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 that
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internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 has made it easier for them to communicate with each other across the world. In my opinion, the
internet
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 certainly has made it easier for
people
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 to connect with each other, it has its limitations and some drawbacks. Increasing global access to
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 has allowed many to connect and meet with new
people
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. Social media has played
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 important role in helping
people
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 discover and connect with others,
people
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 who share similar interests and passions and all
kind
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kinds
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 of different
people
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 from varied and unique cultures.
People
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 have online communities and forums for things
tha
Correct your spelling
that
 interest them like sports, technology, business, etc.
Also
Linking Words
, being able to chat or talk with each other through voice or video
call
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calls
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, has benefited
people
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 personally
as well as
Linking Words
 professionally. During,
pandemic
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the pandemic
show examples
, it allowed
people
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 to connect with their family and friends, patients with their doctors, students with their teachers,
Correct word choice
and
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employees with
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 organisation. It
bought
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brought
show examples
people
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 together during
such
Linking Words
 a tragic period
,
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apply
show examples
 and helped many of us to get through
such
Linking Words
 hard times.
However
Linking Words
, the increased usage and reliance on social media,
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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also
Linking Words
 made it harder for the younger generation to interact with their surroundings. Social media addiction is
growing
Correct article usage
a growing
show examples
 cause of concern for the mental health of many young adults and teenagers. The anonymity provided by the
internet
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 has
also
Linking Words
enable
Change the verb form
enabled
show examples
people
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 to behave recklessly without fear of any
repurcussions
Correct your spelling
repercussions
. There
several
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are several
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well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
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 cases of online bullying and trolling, which
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 grievously affected
people
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 in real life. In conclusion,
Although
Linking Words
 I do agree that
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 has made it easier for
people
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 to communicate with each other, it has
also
Linking Words
 affected
personal
Correct article usage
the personal
show examples
 lives and mental health of many
people
Use synonyms
 around the world
Submitted by adarsh.deore12322 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure consistent paragraphing to enhance logical flow and structure.
task achievement
Expand on the main points with richer, more varied examples for a comprehensive argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve the range of linking words to boost logical connections between your ideas.
task achievement
Clarify your position by addressing the prompt more directly and thoroughly throughout.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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