IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#governments #progress #people #country
Economic
progress
 plays a crucial role in being a developed
country
 in the world field. Many governments think that economic policy is their most essential goal.
While
 some people believe that other types of
progress
 are equally beneficial for a
country
. I strongly agree that the diversity of
progress
 is essential. On the one hand, there is a deep link between economic growth and
development
. The developed countries have a stable economy and high GDP, and their education system is
unbelievable
Change the word
unbelievably
show examples
 like it. Economic
development
 is inextricably linked with the level of education in a nation.
For instance
, in America, there are a lot of top universities from around the world. Americans usually take part in each science and research.
Moreover
, economic advancement
also
 contributes to cultural
development
, as it enables people to have access to education, art, and other forms of cultural expression.
On the other hand
, focusing solely on economic
progress
 can have detrimental effects on other aspects of a nation.
For instance
, rapid economic growth can lead to a widening income inequality, as the benefits of economic
progress
 are not always evenly distributed among the population.
This
 can result in social tensions and even political instability in many countries around the world. In conclusion, economic advancement is undeniably vital for a
country
's
development
, bringing about a host of benefits like job creation and improved living standards.
However
, it should not be the only goal for governments. Social cultural and environmental
development
 are equally crucial for a
country
's well-being.
Submitted by buyabuya201 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your argument, particularly in the sections discussing the disadvantages of focusing solely on economic progress.
Coherence & Cohesion
Be cautious of minor grammatical errors and ensure variety in sentence structures to enhance readability.
Task Achievement
Effective introduction of the topic and clear expression of your opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Good logical structure, making it easy to follow your argument.
Task Achievement
Balanced discussion of both views before stating your own opinion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: