Some people claim that immigrants should adopt the local culture when immigrating to a new country. While others think that they can establish a minority community instead. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Globalization has made the world borderless and Immigration has become a popular trend in society. It is believed by a few Individuals that the

immigrants

Use synonyms

should adapt to the

culture

Use synonyms

and traditions of the host

country

Use synonyms

while

Linking Words

others believe they should maintain their own

culture

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and remain as a

minority

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. In my

opinion

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opinion,

show examples

a balance of both can be fruitful.

This

Linking Words

essay shall discuss both views briefly and

lastly

Linking Words

, I shall discuss my opinion. Adopting a new

culture

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can be beneficial in many ways.

Firstly

Linking Words

, it helps the newcomers to merge with society quickly. It is required because, without accepting the

country

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culture

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an immigrant may not get suitable jobs to survive.

For instance

Linking Words

, if an emigrant from the Middle East immigrates to a Western

country

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and does not want to put on the appropriate attire of those countries, he may not get any jobs.

Secondly

Linking Words

, showing respect for the new

country

Use synonyms

culture

Use synonyms

is a holy duty for the migrants. As in most cases people immigrate for better opportunities, they should

also

Linking Words

show respect for the countries' existing

culture

Use synonyms

and

tradition

Fix the agreement mistake

traditions

show examples

. For example, many European footballers

while

Linking Words

playing for football clubs of the

middle

Capitalize word

Middle

show examples

east

Replace the word

Eastern

show examples

country

Use synonyms

; put on their traditional dresses as a token of respect.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, it can prevent communal clashes.

In other words

Linking Words

, by accepting the foreign

culture

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an immigrant can largely benefit.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, many believe that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

foreign migrants should stay as a

minority

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in the new society

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apply

show examples

because it helps them preserve their own traditions and values.

This

Linking Words

due to

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the fact that there are many religious barriers which can conflict with the new

culture

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. Adopting those can be impossible for many migrants. Studies have shown that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

around 70% of

muslims

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Muslims

show examples

from different countries do not want to accept a plethora of cultures of a

christian

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Christian

show examples

majority

country

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Moreover

Linking Words

, when an immigrant completely gives up his inherited

culture

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, may not go back to his

country

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in the future. If mine

immigrants

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are allowed to maintain their own cultural norms, they are likely to feel more secure. In my

opinion

Add a comma

opinion,

show examples

people should be given

with

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apply

show examples

the freedom to choose their own preferences. The idea of complete transformation is not only an inhuman thought but

also

Linking Words

impractical.

Conversely

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, the formulation of

minority

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groups can result in various conflicts. If

immigrants

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are given the flexibility and freedom to decide on their own,

this

Linking Words

may bring the best results. In conclusion,

although

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a migrant

need

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needs

show examples

to adapt to the foreign

culture

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due to

Linking Words

various socio-economic reasons;

however

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, they shouldn't expect to live as a

minority

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group. I believe,

immigrants

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should be given

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the freedom and time to adapt themselves to the new

country

Use synonyms

culture

Use synonyms

, which might be beneficial for both parties.

insighttribezTue Dec 26 2023

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coherence cohesion

It is important to ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. While your essay includes a logical structure, there are instances where the progression of ideas could be smoother and more cohesive. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to link your ideas more effectively.

coherence cohesion

Make sure your introduction and conclusion are clear and directly address the task. Your introduction could provide a more concise overview of the essay's direction, and the conclusion should definitively state your position without introducing new ideas.

coherence cohesion

While you have made an effort to elaborate on the main points with examples, the examples you provide are quite generic and could be more effectively developed to support your argument. Using more specific and varied illustrative examples will enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.

task achievement

To fully achieve the task, ensure that you address all parts of the prompt in a balanced way. Your essay should provide a thorough discussion of both viewpoints and articulate your own opinion clearly throughout, not just at the end. All parts of the prompt question should be equally covered.

task achievement

Your ideas are generally clear, however, there are moments where they could be expressed in a more comprehensive and detailed manner. Particularly, avoid too much generalization and strive to deepen the analysis of the topic by considering multiple perspectives and their possible implications.

task achievement

Incorporate a broader range of relevant and specific examples to substantiate your arguments and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic. Specific examples add weight to your points and make your essay more convincing to the reader.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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15
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

456 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

adopt the local culture
integrate
social customs
mutual respect
cultural clashes
minority community
cultural diversity
emotional support
mental health
multicultural society
harmonious coexistence
heritage
social acceptance
cultural practices

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Some people claim that immigrants should adopt the local culture when immigrating to a new country. While others think that they can establish a minority community instead. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Modern forms of communication such as email and messaging have reduced number of time people spend seeing their friends. This has had a negative effect on their social lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Some parents give their children everything that their children ask for or allow them to do whatever they want to do. Is this good for children? What could be consequences for these children when they grow up?

n the last decade, there has been a great increase in global air travel. What do you think are the reasons for this and do you think it is a good thing? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

You need to borrow some money to pay for something you need for your work or studies. Write a letter to your bank to ask for a loan. In your letter introduce yourself and ask for a loan say why you need the money explain how you plan to pay the money back