Some people claim that immigrants should adopt the local culture when immigrating to a new country. While others think that they can establish a minority community instead. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Globalization has made the world borderless and Immigration has become a popular trend in society. It is believed by a few Individuals that the
immigrants
should adapt to the culture
and traditions of the host country
, while
others believe they should maintain their own culture
and remain as a minority
. In my opinion
a balance of both can be fruitful. Add a comma
opinion,
This
essay shall discuss both views briefly and lastly
, I shall discuss my opinion.
Adopting a new culture
can be beneficial in many ways. Firstly
, it helps the newcomers to merge with society quickly. It is required because, without accepting the country
's culture
an immigrant may not get suitable jobs to survive. For instance
, if an emigrant from the Middle East immigrates to a Western country
and does not want to put on the appropriate attire of those countries, he may not get any jobs. Secondly
, showing respect for the new country
's culture
is a holy duty for the migrants. As in most cases people immigrate for better opportunities, they should also
show respect for the countries' existing culture
and tradition
. For example, many European footballers Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
while
playing for football clubs of the middle
Capitalize word
Middle
east
Replace the word
Eastern
country
; put on their traditional dresses as a token of respect. Furthermore
, it can prevent communal clashes. In other words
, by accepting the foreign culture
an immigrant can largely benefit.
On the other hand
, many believe that the
foreign migrants should stay as a Correct article usage
apply
minority
in the new society,
because it helps them preserve their own traditions and values. Remove the comma
apply
This
is due to
the fact that there are many religious barriers which can conflict with the new culture
. Adopting those can be impossible for many migrants. Studies have shown that,
around 70% of Remove the comma
apply
muslims
from different countries do not want to accept a plethora of cultures of a Change the capitalization
Muslims
christian
majority Change the capitalization
Christian
country
. Moreover
, when an immigrant completely gives up his inherited culture
, may not go back to his country
in the future. If mine immigrants
are allowed to maintain their own cultural norms, they are likely to feel more secure.
In my opinion
people should be given Add a comma
opinion,
with
the freedom to choose their own preferences. The idea of complete transformation is not only an inhuman thought but Change preposition
apply
also
impractical. Conversely
, the formulation of minority
groups can result in various conflicts. If immigrants
are given the flexibility and freedom to decide on their own, this
may bring the best results.
In conclusion, although
a migrant need
to adapt to the foreign Change the verb form
needs
culture
due to
various socio-economic reasons; however
, they shouldn't expect to live as a minority
group. I believe, immigrants
should be given with
the freedom and time to adapt themselves to the new Change preposition
apply
country
's culture
, which might be beneficial for both parties.Submitted by insighttribez on
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coherence cohesion
It is important to ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. While your essay includes a logical structure, there are instances where the progression of ideas could be smoother and more cohesive. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to link your ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are clear and directly address the task. Your introduction could provide a more concise overview of the essay's direction, and the conclusion should definitively state your position without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
While you have made an effort to elaborate on the main points with examples, the examples you provide are quite generic and could be more effectively developed to support your argument. Using more specific and varied illustrative examples will enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.
task achievement
To fully achieve the task, ensure that you address all parts of the prompt in a balanced way. Your essay should provide a thorough discussion of both viewpoints and articulate your own opinion clearly throughout, not just at the end. All parts of the prompt question should be equally covered.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear, however, there are moments where they could be expressed in a more comprehensive and detailed manner. Particularly, avoid too much generalization and strive to deepen the analysis of the topic by considering multiple perspectives and their possible implications.
task achievement
Incorporate a broader range of relevant and specific examples to substantiate your arguments and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic. Specific examples add weight to your points and make your essay more convincing to the reader.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example