Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Nowaday
, some individuals tend to think that they should allow their children to make their own choices on matters like what food Correct your spelling
Nowadays
toeat
, what clothes to wear and even their desired leisure. Correct your spelling
to eat
Linking Words
While others
believe that it is more vital for their kids to make their own decisions about essential Correct word choice
Others
like
issues, which will affect them the most. In the following essay, I will discuss both views and share my personal opinion.
On the one hand, some people justifiably, believe that what children need is Change preposition
apply
a
greater development which is accessible by being Correct article usage
apply
thought
Verb problem
taught
as well as
freedom. Not only does Linking Words
giving
a chance to adolescents to choose Change the verb form
give
enhancesself-esteem
, but Correct your spelling
enhances self-esteem
also
, it will be a different practice to become more Linking Words
independant
as adults. Correct your spelling
independent
For instance
, by giving them Linking Words
chance
to opt for which dress they like to wear for the party or what food they desire to eat for lunch,Correct article usage
a chance
is
more likely to excel at addressing a problem as they have to choose logically and emotionally. Correct subject-verb agreement
are
Thus
, allocating freedom for Linking Words
yougsters
, results in flourishing in their future.
Correct your spelling
youngsters
On the other hand
, some reckon that providing teenagers Linking Words
freedome
to decide, brings about Correct your spelling
freedom
being
arrogant as they get used to Unnecessary verb
apply
prioritize
their own desires and wishes over other quintessential things in life. Wrong verb form
prioritising
However
, I don't find Linking Words
this
argument convincing since it rarely happens that freedom through the parents' observation leads to arrogant children as they Linking Words
are thought
that Wrong verb form
think
others
needs are Change noun form
others'
other's
substantial
as theirs. Rephrase
as substantial
In addition
, if they have an opportunity to experience dealing with different challenges, they will be more prosperous in the future. Linking Words
For example
, youth who have asked about the destination of a trip feel more valuable and responsible for the consequences of that travel.
Linking Words
To conclude
, in my view, juveniles should be allowed to decide as it has a vital role in their development and nurture. Linking Words
Moreover
, parents should teach their offspring to consider every detail in their decisions and assist them to thrive.Linking Words
Submitted by sarina.chenare78 on
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task achievement
The essay provides a distinct introduction and conclusion, which addresses the task and provides a personal opinion. However, the conclusion could be further strengthened by briefly summarising the main points discussed. The essay fails to present a completely balanced discussion, as it appears to favor one view over the other. Encourage a more equally weighted analysis of both perspectives before presenting a clear personal stance.
coherence cohesion
While the essay maintains an adequate logical structure, the progression between ideas can be improved. The writer should focus on smoother transitions and more explicit linking phrases to bridge ideas, ensuring the flow from one idea to the next is seamless. Additionally, avoid repetitive sentence structures to ensure variety and maintain the reader's interest.
task achievement
The main points are somewhat supported by examples and explanations, but the essay can benefit from incorporating a wider range of examples and a deeper exploration of these points. Specific, clear, and relevant examples are necessary to effectively illustrate the arguments and contribute to the persuasiveness of the discussion.