Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #choices #matters #food #clothes #entertainment #society #individuals #decisions

Nowaday

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Nowadays

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, some individuals tend to think that they should allow their children to make their own choices on matters like what food

toeat

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to eat

, what clothes to wear and even their desired leisure.

While others

Correct word choice

Others

show examples

believe that it is more vital for their kids to make their own decisions about essential

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apply

show examples

issues, which will affect them the most. In the following essay, I will discuss both views and share my personal opinion. On the one hand, some people justifiably, believe that what children need is

Correct article usage

apply

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greater development which is accessible by being

thought

Verb problem

taught

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as well as

freedom. Not only does

giving

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give

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a chance to adolescents to choose

enhancesself-esteem

Correct your spelling

enhances self-esteem

, but

also

, it will be a different practice to become more

independant

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independent

as adults.

For instance

, by giving them

chance

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a chance

show examples

to opt for which dress they like to wear for the party or what food they desire to eat for lunch,

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

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more likely to excel at addressing a problem as they have to choose logically and emotionally.

Thus

, allocating freedom for

yougsters

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youngsters

, results in flourishing in their future.

On the other hand

, some reckon that providing teenagers

freedome

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freedom

to decide, brings about

being

Unnecessary verb

apply

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arrogant as they get used to

prioritize

Wrong verb form

prioritising

show examples

their own desires and wishes over other quintessential things in life.

However

, I don't find

this

argument convincing since it rarely happens that freedom through the parents' observation leads to arrogant children as they

are thought

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think

show examples

that

others

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others'

other's

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needs are

substantial

Rephrase

as substantial

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as theirs.

In addition

, if they have an opportunity to experience dealing with different challenges, they will be more prosperous in the future.

For example

, youth who have asked about the destination of a trip feel more valuable and responsible for the consequences of that travel.

To conclude

, in my view, juveniles should be allowed to decide as it has a vital role in their development and nurture.

Moreover

, parents should teach their offspring to consider every detail in their decisions and assist them to thrive.

Submitted by sarina.chenare78 on Tue Dec 26 2023

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task achievement

The essay provides a distinct introduction and conclusion, which addresses the task and provides a personal opinion. However, the conclusion could be further strengthened by briefly summarising the main points discussed. The essay fails to present a completely balanced discussion, as it appears to favor one view over the other. Encourage a more equally weighted analysis of both perspectives before presenting a clear personal stance.

coherence cohesion

While the essay maintains an adequate logical structure, the progression between ideas can be improved. The writer should focus on smoother transitions and more explicit linking phrases to bridge ideas, ensuring the flow from one idea to the next is seamless. Additionally, avoid repetitive sentence structures to ensure variety and maintain the reader's interest.

task achievement

The main points are somewhat supported by examples and explanations, but the essay can benefit from incorporating a wider range of examples and a deeper exploration of these points. Specific, clear, and relevant examples are necessary to effectively illustrate the arguments and contribute to the persuasiveness of the discussion.

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

326 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Autonomy
Consequence-awareness
Self-centered
Informal decision-making education
Child development
Age-appropriate choices
Cognitive growth
Fostering independence
Parental guidance
Societal norms
Interpersonal consideration
Balance of freedom
Individualism versus collectivism
Experience-based learning

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