Some ex-prisoners commit crimes after being released from prison. What do you think is the cause? How can it be solved?
Some ex-prisoners
reoffend
after their release. I believe Correct your spelling
re-offend
this
is mainly because they have difficulty reentering the society
. To solve this
problem, prisons should prioritize rehabilitation
over sentence.
Reentry into society
can be difficult for ex-prisoners. Many people break the law in the first place because of poverty. They have no skills to find a job
that offers livable wages, so they commit crimes, such
as theft or robbery, to support themselves. After separated
from Add a missing verb
being separated
the
Correct article usage
apply
society
with years in prison, and with a or
Correct word choice
apply
some
criminal record(s), they become even more undesirable in the Correct quantifier usage
apply
job
market. This
leaves them little choice but to continue to make a living by illegal means after imprisonment.
Rehabilitation
programs can be a good solution to this
problem. Since many ex-prisoners become repeat offenders not because they are unafraid of jail time but because they lack employment opportunities or other means of reentering society
lawfully, prisons should not be used as places to punish but as places to rehabilitate. There should be rehabilitation
programs in place to teach inmates valuable skills that will help them find a job
and become productive members of society
after incarceration. For instance
, some prisons teach prisoners how to code and some of these people have gone to work for technology companies after they are released.
In conclusion, being unable to integrate into society
could be the main reason why some ex-convicts commit crime
again after serving prison sentences. To reduce recidivism rates, Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
rehabilitation
initiatives should be launched to help inmates learn valuable job
skills to prepare them for their reentry into society
.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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coherence cohesion
Although the essay is well-organized, consider using more transition words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will make your argument even clearer.
task achievement
Expand on the solutions portion of your essay by providing one or two more examples of rehabilitation programs that have been successful.
task achievement
Work on varying your sentence structures to avoid repetition and to maintain the reader's interest. For example, mix short, impactful sentences with longer, descriptive ones.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear and developed response to the task prompt, covering both causes and solutions effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effective in laying out and summarizing your main points.
task achievement
Your use of a specific example (prisoners learning to code) is powerful and adds credibility to your argument.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
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