IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the country side is decreasing Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #country #side #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Statistics show that the world's population is increasing rapidly. It is expected that most of us will be living in
cities
Use synonyms
 within the next few decades. The question of whether urbanisation is a positive or negative development remains controversial A rapid influx of people moving from rural to urban areas is bound to cause
problems
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
. pressure on resources
such
Linking Words
 as housing and transportation intensifies. It is becoming difficult for many people to afford adequate housing in
cities
Use synonyms
. A by-product of
this
Linking Words
 is the creation of slums causing low-income families to group together in neglected parts of the city. These people often become trapped in a cycle of poverty
that is
Linking Words
 difficult to escape. As mentioned above, the growth of urban areas can
also
Linking Words
 lead to severe traffic congestion because more and more vehicles travel into the city from the suburbs.
This
Linking Words
 has many knock-on effects,
such
Linking Words
 as
problems
Use synonyms
 with air quality. It
also
Linking Words
 leads many city dwellers to experience mental health issues because travelling across large
cities
Use synonyms
 is tiring and stressful. All of
this
Linking Words
 being said, I don't believe that urbanisation is a wholly negative development. There are advantages to living in large
cities
Use synonyms
 that are
well managed
Add a hyphen
well-managed
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, there are more schools which means more education opportunities. Access to higher-quality health care is often better in
cities
Use synonyms
. Some
cities
Use synonyms
 have
also
Linking Words
 introduced ride-sharing, e-bikes and park and ride services that reduce environmental
problems
Use synonyms
. My opinion is that many of the
problems
Use synonyms
 associated with urbanisation are avoidable but dealing with increasing populations in
cities
Use synonyms
 is a formidable challenge. How governments, businesses and society respond to
this
Linking Words
 challenge will dramatically affect the future of our world.
Submitted by mohammad.bameri.1380 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your introduction provides a clear outline of what the essay will cover, and your conclusion offers a succinct summary of the points discussed and your overall standpoint.
supported main points
When presenting ideas or arguments, make sure you provide clear examples or evidence to support each point. While some examples are given, they can be further developed with more detailed illustrations.
clear comprehensive ideas
Strive for clarity by developing your arguments in a balanced manner. While you do address the benefits of urban living, there is a tendency to concentrate more heavily on the negative aspects without fully exploring the opposing viewpoint.
logical structure
Maintain logical coherence by linking ideas seamlessly. Using a wider variety of transitional phrases and topic sentences can enhance the flow of your essay.
complete response
To fully address the task, it is crucial to discuss both sides of the development clearly and provide a more explicit personal opinion.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate more specific and vivid examples to substantiate your points. While general statements are made, the essay would benefit from additional concrete instances, data, or anecdotal evidence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • infrastructure
  • overcrowding
  • standard of living
  • depopulation
  • agriculture
  • traditional industries
  • educational facilities
  • healthcare facilities
  • social issues
  • community ties
  • neglect
  • spill-over effects
  • remittances
  • investments
What to do next:
Look at other essays: