Many people feel it is a waste of money to try to save endangered animal species, for example the tiger or the blue whale. To what extent do you agree or disagree whit this statement?
During the
last
few generation
, we have observed remarkable funding from governments and private charity organizations for saving endangered animal species. Change to a plural noun
generations
Along with
all of these investments, many individuals volunteered to help in different ways, nonetheless
, I strongly disagree it represents a waste of money and in this
essay, I will describe my point of view.
Firstly
, the importance of saving each life for the ecosystem might be beyond our imagination, as well as
the fact that all of their disappearance is humanity’s fault which remains. Even though, blaming others won’t fix the mistakes which mostly happened because of ignorance and greed. Moreover
, each animal has its role in the environment and losing one of them can cause awful consequences for our planet. For example
, climate change or global pollution.
additionally
, every animal has their own space in the food chain and destroying this
chain might end up making another species starve. Secondly
, as the ones who stopped this
chain and harmed animals or even plants for our benefit, we have a responsibility to fix the problem that we caused. otherwise
, humanity will be the one to pay the price. For instance
, the global warming we are experiencing at the time,
caused extinction in some parts of the planet and can lead us to many twisted problems in the future.
Remove the comma
apply
To sum up
, many today think taking care of a particular animal is a waste of budget without thinking in a wide range. Therefore
, it is the government’s job to educate them and take care of the future of the planet and humanity.Submitted by negarqaemi24 on
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Task Achievement
Your response adequately covers the requirements of the task; however, providing more detailed examples to support your arguments would improve the Task Achievement score. While discussing the responsibilities of humanity and the consequences of losing species, it would have been beneficial to include specific examples of how certain endangered animals, when saved, have contributed to the balance of their ecosystems or benefited human societies directly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay's structure is basically clear and logically organised. Yet, a stronger coherence could be achieved through more effective paragraph transitions and clearer topic sentences that guide the reader through the argument. Making the relation between the points more explicit would improve the score for Coherence and Cohesion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present which is good; the introduction sets the topic while the conclusion provides a summary of the points made. However, there could be a clearer thesis statement in the introduction and a more decisive closing statement in the conclusion to enhance their effectiveness.
Coherence and Cohesion
The main points are supported in the sense that they relate back to the central argument of the essay. To strengthen this, it would be helpful to incorporate more evidence, such as studies, data, or notable conservation success stories that align with your argument. This would lend more credibility and depth to the points made and provide a stronger support structure for your assertions.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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