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Writing Samples
Band 6

the pie chart shows the shares of total world food consumption held by each of seven different food types in 2014

the pie chart shows the shares of total world food consumption held by each of seven different food types in 2014
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The pie chart illustrates the proportion of
food
Use synonyms
 expenditure, in the world, of seven types of
food
Use synonyms
 namely (vegetables,
rice
Use synonyms
, meat, fruits, cereals, bread, and fish) in 2014. From an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it is obvious that the most consumed type of
food
Use synonyms
 was meat. Meanwhile,
rice
Use synonyms
 had the lowest rate of
food
Use synonyms
 expenditure.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the majority of people
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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consumed meat and
rice
Use synonyms
 excessively. They stood at 31.4% and 27.9% in 2014, respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
, cereals
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 experienced to be one of the top three consumed meals in 2014. It accounted for 11.7%.
This
Linking Words
 followed by fruits and vegetables which were experienced almost the same percentage. It was forecasted to be approximately
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
10% for both.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the two minority rates of
meals’
Change noun form
meals
show examples
 consumption were 2.5% and 5.5% for
rice
Use synonyms
 and bread in 2014, in turn.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
rice
Use synonyms
 had
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the lowest percentage.

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words food, rice with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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