IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Government should spend tax money on public libraries rather than public transportation improvements. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#government #tax #money #libraries #transportation #improvements
It is argued that the government should allocate most part of its tax income to public libraries compared with general transport improvement.
Although
 reading books and newspapers improves the knowledge of people throughout the country, I believe spending
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
 on
transit
 is very important to the country as it gives immense support to the advancement and plays a crucial role in the quality of life. so, I am in disagreement with
this
 opinion.
firstly
,
transit
 is always considered the backbone of a nation. What I mean by
this
 is the growth of conveyance is an important factor which helps businesses in various ways
such
 as in getting raw materials, bringing employees and distributing the final products.
furthermore
, it helps the students to go to schools and universities for their studies and research purposes. So, it is essential to flow money to these public
transit
 improvements.
Moreover
, the second reason is that buses and trains always support to boost the quality of life.
This
 is to say, the individuals have to move from one place to another for their employment, and leisure activities. without proper development of transportation, it is difficult to survive in the world. libraries are one of the important factors which impulse the cognitive boost of humanity. In conclusion,
although
 libraries are important to society when it comes to money allocation, political people should consider
transit
 rather than book depots to make
priority
Add an article
a priority
show examples
 and spend more money on transportation development. With the support of these reasons, I disagree with
this
 statement.
Submitted by ajeevatharsan on

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Task Achievement
Regarding task response, while you have addressed the topic, the development of your argument is limited. You should articulate a clearer progression of ideas and sufficient detail to support your stance on the issue. Expansion of ideas and a balanced discussion of both sides with comparative examples would enhance your response.
Coherence and Cohesion
In regards to coherence and cohesion, your essay lacks clear logical connectors and varied transition phrases to guide the reader smoothly between ideas. Introduction and conclusion are present; however, they could be more compelling and reflective of the overall essay. Work on improving sentence linkage and paragraph connections for better clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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