IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #people #salaries #country #government #control #limit #amount
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, there is a huge gap between the highest and lowest wages of an employee in many parts of the world. Despite some agreements with
this
 inequality, many including me, believe
this
 might lead to many unpleasant consequences which affect the workforce in a negative way. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both ideas and express my agreement with the latter one. On the one hand, some argue
this
 is necessary for a nation to support a small group of talented people with high salaries.
For instance
, if gifted ones
being founded
Wrong verb form
were found
show examples
 well, they would not immigrate to other places and stay and serve in their estates.
For example
, in Iran, many university graduates leave
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of financial
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
 annually.
Consequently
, Iran would gradually suffer from enough
well- educated
Correct your spelling
well-educated
show examples
 professionals.
On the other hand
, many consider the high inequality in paychecks a major drawback for a nation.
Firstly
, when the majority receive low salaries, there might be
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of interest in working and
as a result
 low productivity in that country.
For example
, if a car factory with high production lines
would
Verb problem
does
show examples
 not pay its workers well enough, and at the same time the CEO
benefit
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefits
show examples
 from high profits, over
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time the tendency to work sufficiently in workers will decrease and neither the directors nor the employees will benefit. In conclusion, despite a few pros in paying high salaries to some gifted individuals, the drawbacks like low productivity in others would outweigh the former approach significantly.
Submitted by m.lotfipour92 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the supporting sentences are directly relevant to that main idea for greater coherence in your essay.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices accurately and appropriately. Review the use of linking words and phrases to show contrasts, comparisons, and sequences.
task achievement
Develop your main points more fully with specific examples and details. Your essay would benefit from real-world evidence and statistics that strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Work on fully addressing the task by discussing all parts of the prompt evenly and providing a clear personal stance while maintaining balance in the coverage of both viewpoints.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • wealth inequality
  • economic growth
  • motivation
  • talent acquisition
  • consumer spending
  • tax revenue
  • redistributing wealth
  • market forces
  • income disparity
  • social stability
  • freedom of choice
  • meritocracy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: