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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The culture of different places are now looking similar in modern times. What do you think are the causes of this? Do you think it is a positive or negative trend?

#culture #places #times #trend
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Nowadays , In recent times , the
culture
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 of society is similar. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the causes of
this
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 trend
along with
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 the positive and negative impacts of
this
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 on society .
To begin
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 with , The main cause of
this
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 trend is tourism . Tourists come from different places to visit and explore places other countries . Some countries are dependent on tourism and their residents want to wear clothes like them and would like to speak their
language
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 to enhance their business. On the one hand , there is no doubt these days
people
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 are adopting Western
culture
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 and learning their
language
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. If
culture
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 and
language
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 are the same all over the world ,
then
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 there is an immense opportunity for growth in professional life and a big boom in the tourism sector.
For example
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 , a recent survey done by the students of Oxford University revealed that 80% of young
people
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 are extremely happy to learn one
language
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 and they said, it would help them to survive anywhere in the world.
On the other hand
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 , Some old
people
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 are worried about their traditions and
culture
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 . Old
people
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 think the young generation is gradually losing their interest in the country's values, traditions and
culture
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.
For example
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 , In rural areas of Uttar Pradesh , Girls like to wear Western uniforms
instead
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 of traditional dresses. In the end , In my opinion,
people
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 should adopt different cultures because changes are a must to grow in life . But we should not forget our traditional
culture
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 as well.
Submitted by preetiaug25 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks clear paragraph division and the transitions between ideas. Introduce each new point with a clear topic sentence and use cohesive devices to improve flow of information.
coherence cohesion
While you have an introduction and a conclusion, they are quite brief and generic. Creating a more detailed introduction and a conclusion that summarizes your points effectively would strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
Some points in the essay are weakly supported and lack depth. Elaborate on your main points with examples, explanations, and arguments to provide a better argumentative structure.
task achievement
You did manage to cover the topic, but the ideas are somewhat repetitively expressed and not thoroughly developed. Aim to present clear and distinct ideas that address both the causes of the cultural similarities and the implications, both positive and negative, of this trend.
task achievement
The use of examples is sparse and not entirely convincing. Add more specific and relevant examples to make your arguments more persuasive and tangible.
task achievement
Work on expanding your range of vocabulary and sentence structures to express ideas more precisely and vary your language, thus enhancing the readability of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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