IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

QUESTIONS: In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this.

#questions #countries #people #work #travel #year #school #university #studies
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the Contemporary era, there is a trend of having a gap
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a year between
finish
Wrong verb form
finishing
show examples
 high school and starting university studies as in many countries folks are
promtiong
Correct your spelling
promoting
prompting
this
 trend by working or travelling before going to
colleges
Fix the agreement mistake
college
show examples
 for
education
.In
this
 essay, I will try to explain the merits and pitfalls of
this
 trend. The preponderant advantage, for young
people
 who decide to do
work
 is that they are getting a little break from
study
as well as
 by doing some
work
 they can save some
money
 for their
further
study
 as universities or
colleges fee
Fix the agreement mistake
college fees
show examples
 are very high.
For example
, most of the
people
 in Canada are taking some pause between the period of high school and university
study
 to do some
work
 so they can earn or save enough amount of
money
 to
presuade
Correct your spelling
pursue
 their
education
 in future.
Hence
,
this
tend
Correct your spelling
trend
show examples
 can be helpful to poor
people
 as they are saving their own
money
 for
education
 and
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not
putting
Change the verb form
put
show examples
 any pressure or burden on the families
instead
 they are
bercoming
Correct your spelling
becoming
helphand
Correct your spelling
help hand
help and
 to them. Despite
this
, there are
also
 many disadvantages of
this
trends
Fix the agreement mistake
trend
show examples
 like as many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
youngster are starting to
work
 and they are earning enough amount of
money
 and their interest
for
Change preposition
in studying
show examples
study
 is getting fainted.
In addition
 to
this
, It
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
diffcult
Correct your spelling
difficult
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
folks to give proper focus and attention to their
study
 because of the discontinuity.
For instance
, In many
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 are many
people
 who find
Correct pronoun usage
it diffcult
show examples
diffcult
Correct your spelling
difficult
 to learn
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
things after a gap of a year in
colleges
Fix the agreement mistake
college
show examples
 because they
do forgot
Wrong verb form
forget
show examples
 the
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 which they
learnt
Replace the word
learned
show examples
 in high school.
Therefore
,
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
trends
Fix the agreement mistake
trend
show examples
 can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
become
weak
Add an article
a weak
show examples
 point for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students as they
have loses
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
 their interest in
education
while
 working. In
conculsion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,having
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
breaks in between the
study
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 some favors
as well as
 some drawbacks but the advantages
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 the disadvantages if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 have
proper
Add an article
a proper
show examples
 mindset about their future.
Submitted by sirat on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates basic structure but lacks coherence and cohesion in several places. Aim to have a clear progression of ideas and ensure that paragraphs logically flow from one to the next. Utilize cohesive devices such as linking words and transition phrases to improve readability and connection between ideas.
task achievement
You partially addressed all parts of the task, but the response lacks full development of ideas. Be sure to expand on your main points with detailed explanations and more specific examples. This will help to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic and fulfill the requirements of the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gap year
  • real-world experiences
  • personal and professional growth
  • self-awareness
  • confidence
  • sense of direction
  • career paths
  • academic goals
  • loss of academic momentum
  • financially burdensome
  • travel and living expenses
  • delaying the start of a professional career
What to do next:
Look at other essays: