IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Many people think that painting and music do not directly improve the quality of people. Therefore, government should not spend too much money on artistic projects. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #music #quality #government #money #projects
Despite the belief held by some that music
as well as
 painting are not having a great impact on the quality of people. On account of
this
, what the government has to do is not fund artistic
projects
. I agree with
this
 statement.
This
 essay will delve into the details of the given topic,
in addition
 to my opinion that will be elucidated,
along with
 some corporations in order to justify my point of view.
To begin
 with,currently,the burning of living is increasing,dramatically.Owing to inflation,taxes and debt.
Hence
, what the authorities and nations have to do is focus on any
projects
 that can bring any profits in the short term.With the aim of reducing fiscal stress ,some governments pointed out some vigorous regulations.To illustrate
this
, take my country (Egypt) as a clear example the authorities do not fund any sort of artistic activities.Not only
this
 but decreasing the number of graduations will be prioritized in the long run,as well .
This
 is because no intrinsic value in painting and music. What is more,because of some global crisis like climate change. So many nations invest in some critical
projects
 in order to overcome the difficulties that were raised by
this
 issue. To elucidate
this
,
for instance
, in the U.K. the funding for sustainable sources of energy is in the majority. When the spending on
this
 project, some ensued will be raised up like restrictions in artist or painting
projects
.So, any funding in painting or music will be some sort of silly. In a nutshell, these arguments collectively persuade me to believe that investment in vital issues has a tangible benefit in the quality of the public,because of the aforementioned clarifications
Submitted by nadeenelkenawy4425 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction & Conclusion
You should ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction should present the topic and your opinion, while the conclusion should summarize your arguments effectively without introducing new ideas.
Logical Structure
Your essay will benefit from a more structured approach, with distinct paragraphs for each main idea. Begin paragraphs with a clear topic sentence, followed by explanations and examples that directly support that topic.
Developing Ideas
For a higher score, develop your ideas more fully with relevant, specific examples that support the arguments you are making. Avoid generalizations and ensure you directly address the prompt with a focused response.
Language Use & Sentence Structure
Spell and write out numbers (e.g., use 'rising cost of living' instead of 'burning of living', 'due to' instead of 'owing to', and '30%' instead of 'some'). Avoid using overly informal language and make sure to check for grammatical errors or awkward phrasing. Use a range of sentence structures for a more professional and coherent essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: