some children spend a long time each day on their smartphones. why is this? is this a positive or negative development?

#children #time #smartphones #development

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some juveniles spend a long time each day on their mobile phones.

this

Linking Words

is because video streaming apps are so entertaining, but

this

Linking Words

can have negative effects since it distract children from

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

family life. minors love using mobile devices,

one

Correct word choice

and one

show examples

of them is streaming apps.

Linking Words

This

Change the determiner

These

show examples

services have many entertaining features.

this

Linking Words

means they have endless opportunities to enjoy themselves all day by watching new shows and entertainment without thinking. for

examples

Fix the agreement mistake

example

show examples

, Netflix and

Youtube

Correct your spelling

YouTube

show examples

provides

Change the verb form

provide

show examples

shows that

aimed

Add a missing verb

are aimed

show examples

children

Change preposition

at children

show examples

, with tempting and colourful

design

Fix the agreement mistake

designs

show examples

for kids so they will always click Next Show/Next Videos after

finish

Change the verb form

finishing

show examples

one. despite mobiles being enjoyable for kids,

this

Linking Words

essay believes

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

should be viewed negatively since

its

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

bad impact on family

relationship

Fix the agreement mistake

relationships

show examples

. being around family teaches

child

Fix the agreement mistake

children

show examples

to learn about respect,

manner

Fix the agreement mistake

manners

show examples

, and how to treat others. if young ones

missed

Wrong verb form

miss

show examples

this

Linking Words

opportunity in early life, it would

effect

Correct your spelling

affect

show examples

how they grow up,

instead

Linking Words

of learning about norms in society, they could

mimics

Change the verb form

mimic

show examples

bad

Correct article usage

the bad

show examples

habits of

youtubers

Correct your spelling

YouTubers

since

Change preposition

from

show examples

a very young age.

for example

Linking Words

, the famous

Youtuber

Correct your spelling

YouTuber

show examples

Awkarin likes to swear, promoting drinking, and nightlife. in conclusion,

videos

Fix the agreement mistake

video

show examples

streaming on mobile phones

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

tempting for children but it could affect parent and sibling

relationship

Fix the agreement mistake

relationships

show examples

even

Correct word choice

and even

show examples

promotes

Correct subject-verb agreement

promote

show examples

harmful

practice

Fix the agreement mistake

practices

show examples

However

Linking Words

, parents could mitigate

this

Linking Words

effect by implementing screen time on their son or daughter.

Submitted by periset on Wed Jan 03 2024

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task achievement

You should articulate a clear opinion throughout your essay, ensuring that you respond to both parts of the question equally. This will enhance the completeness of your response.

coherence cohesion

Your essay lacks a clear introductory paragraph that sets the context and includes a clear thesis statement. Remember to include an introductory statement and a conclusion to satisfy the structure requirements of the essay.

coherence cohesion

It is important to develop your main points with a clearer focus on the topic. Each paragraph should contain a main idea, supported by relevant arguments and examples. Work on expanding your ideas and connecting your points more effectively.

coherence cohesion

Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to structure your arguments in a more organized manner. This will improve the overall logical progression and readability of your essay.

task achievement

Be mindful of the register and tone suitable for an academic essay. Avoid overly colloquial language or slang, and maintain a formal style throughout.

task achievement

Ensure that you provide specific examples to substantiate your main points. While you have provided some examples, developing them further can strengthen your argument and clarify your position.

coherence cohesion

Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and range in your writing. Work on sentence structure, appropriate use of tenses, and avoiding repetitive vocabulary.

coherence cohesion

Review and proofread your essay to avoid spelling errors and informal language, which can detract from the academic quality of your writing.

task achievement

Your conclusion should restate your main points and clearly reflect on the overall discussion in your essay. Make sure to provide a definitive statement that encapsulates your argument regarding the topic's impact.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

4
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
28
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

221 words

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some children spend a long time each day on their smartphones. why is this? is this a positive or negative development?

Fully explain your ideas

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that the government should fund music, dance and arts lessons for children. Others think that they should be funded by private businesses or by children's families. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Multinational companies are becoming increasingly common in developing countries. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

Most country are compared by their economic success. Do you think there are some other important factors that need to be taken into consideration? Give your opinion and relevant examples.

Everyone should donate a fixed amount of their income to support charity. To what extent do you agree or disagree?