Wild animals have no place in the 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that savage animals are not considered in our actual societies and some people think that we should not protect them.
This
essay totally disagrees with that statement. I believe that we need to take care of those living beings because they are crucial for natural environments and to stop dealing with this
commerce.
In my opinion, it is important to protect wild animals to preserve a good natural world. In fact, they are essential in the environment because each one of them is the ailment of the other. In short, if a species is in danger, probability some beasts will not be able to eat. For instance
, according to
ABC, with the extinction of zebras in 2018 in Somalia, other beasts like lions and tigers were affected with a decrease of 12% of those species.
Secondly
, I believe that if we do not act we probably would take charge of all the dealing of those living beings. This
means that if we do not protect them in their own natural spaces some people will steal them to promote dealing. For example
, Frank Cuesta explains how the traffic of rare species in Vietnam generated more than 100000$ for a single unit. In brief, the more we do not take care of them more they become exclusive in commerce and this
causes the beasts creating extinction.
In conclusion, in the 21st century protecting wild animals is not a waste of resources. It is something necessary to preserve natural environments and groups in extinction and if we act in this
case we will decrease the traffic.Submitted by santos_dij on
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coherence cohesion
Strengthen the logical transitions between paragraphs and ideas to enhance the overall flow of the essay.
task achievement
Make sure each main point is fully supported with detailed examples or explanations.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear position on the topic and addresses both aspects of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively written, providing a good structure to the essay.
task achievement
The essay has relevant examples and explanations supporting its main points, adding to its persuasiveness.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite