Wild animals have no place in the 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is often argued that savage animals should not be part of our actual society because their protection causes spending on them.
However
, I completely disagree with this
opinion, as preserving them is crucial for maintaining the balance of our ecosystem and gives many workplaces.
Wild species contribute to the biodiversity and not preserving them could lead to imbalances. They have, consequently
, the right to be protected. Moreover
, they play an essential role in the food chain controlling the population of their hunting prey. For example
, a study conducted by the Wall Street Journal in 2017, demonstrated that if the lions in South Africa did not eat their prey, there would be an overpopulation of them which could consequently
affect the South African people.
In addition
, many workplaces are dedicated to care this
type of living being. Zoos, national parks, and sanctuaries give work to many individuals apart from being very concurred places by tourists. Despite the waste that cost of preserving them, they create in general more wealth than they spend. Therefore
, stopping taking care of these animals would lead to many people losing their jobs. Furthermore
, the countries which have this
type of protection place would lose an amount of tourists who are interested in them. For instance
, a survey was done in 2020 by the BBC newspaper, where the options were asked in order to choose a place to go on vacation, and 30% of the participants chose the zoos.
To conclude
, I disagree with the opinion that wild animals do not have a place in the 21st century because they cost a lot. This
is because their protection helps preserve the biodiversity and the ecosystem as they play an important role in the food chain. Besides
, the zoos, the sanctuaries, and all the places which preserve these species create many workplaces and are a source of attracting tourists from other countries.Submitted by santos_dij on
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task achievement
Make sure to directly address the essay question in the introduction by expressing your agreement or disagreement clearly, which you did effectively. However, consider strengthening your thesis statement with a broader overview of the reasons you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Provide a more varied range of linking words and phrases to ensure smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs. While the logical structure is commendable, more sophisticated cohesion devices can enhance the readability and flow.
task achievement
Incorporate real-world examples to substantiate your main points further. Your essay mentions studies and surveys, which is excellent; try to include specific data or outcomes of these studies to enhance credibility and depth.
task achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points and reiterates your stance. Consider subtly suggesting implications or calling for further action to leave a lasting impression on the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Revisit sentence structure and punctuation for variety and to prevent repetitiveness. Introducing complex and compound sentences can make your writing more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.