IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Wild animals have no place in the 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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To some, the animals living in the wildlife should not be protected, and doing so is considered throwing resources out the window. I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. Wildlife is beautiful and can provide a lot to humans , and our responsibility is to protect the creatures in danger from the damage we cause.
Firstly
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, the beasts need to be sheltered from any human activity that could disturb their well-being. They obviously provide a lot to our society, for many reasons. One of them is that they tend to be very elegant and beautiful, which encourages people to observe them, either on television or in real life. Many depend on the tourism brought by
this
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 wildlife.
For instance
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, many African countries,
such
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 as Uganda, base a part of their economy on the safaris and visitors willing to discover the richness of the world.
Secondly
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, not only do humans have a responsibility for their protection, but they are
also
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 part of the earth, where no one has the right to consider whether a living being should live or not.
Furthermore
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, Humans have caused many troubles for creatures.
For example
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, in the Mauritius Islands, the Dodo birds once lived, which our ancestors ended up exterminating, since
it was
Fix the agreement mistake
they were
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 easy to chase.
Then
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, no criteria can justify whether an animal has a place in our world. The human is a living being among others , and no hierarchy should exist. In conclusion, I wholeheartedly think that we are highly illegitimate to choose by ourselves. The thesis seems illogical since we are not ourselves in the debate , and
that is
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 why I disagree. Many species will outlive ours. In my opinion, it is important to reconsider our place in the world.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more clear in each body part. Put the topic sentence first, then explain it step by step.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words in a more exact way. Some parts jump too fast from one idea to the next.
task achievement
Answer the question more directly all through the essay, not only in the first line and the end.
task achievement
Develop your ideas a bit more so they feel full and easy to follow.
task achievement
Give examples with a clearer link to your main point.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear ending.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has two main body parts, and each has its own focus.
task achievement
You give your opinion clearly: you disagree with the statement.
task achievement
You use real examples like African tourism and the dodo bird.
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