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Writing Samples
Band 3

Some People think that it is beneficial for children to do paid work, while other think it is harmful for children what are the advantages and disadvantages of childredn doing paid work

#people #children #work #childredn
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Although
 it is considered that
paid
Correct article usage
a paid
show examples
 job is
useful
Correct article usage
a useful
show examples
 experience for kids by some, other
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
put
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
belief
Replace the word
believe
show examples
 that that would be detrimental to them. There are certain benefits of doing paid
work
such
 as learning the value of money and providing preparedness
of being
Change preposition
to be
show examples
 independent but some drawbacks should be taken into account.
firstly
, one positive aspect of getting paid
work
 is that young people can learn the
imrpotant
Correct your spelling
importance
 of money
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can help them understand that money does not grow on the backyard trees actually it is received from hard
work
.
Secondly
, another advantageous point of following that trend is offering them preparedness
of being
Change preposition
to be
show examples
 independent which will definitely assist them to be ready
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the read-world where there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a lot of
predicament
Fix the agreement mistake
predicaments
show examples
 and they will gain the expertise of thriving in adversity of finance.
On the other hand
, one biggest
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 of conducting
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 job that
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 them with
salary
Correct article usage
a salary
show examples
 is that it creates tiredness in terms of mental and physical as
weel ass
Correct your spelling
well as
show examples
 confusion about the time management of
work
 and studies. They get exhausted and unable to focus on academic performance which will undoubtedly offer them the assistance of high grades and in serious
matter
Fix the agreement mistake
matters
show examples
 they can suffer from anxiety and other bipolar disorders which will totally ruin their future life. In conclusion, there are fruitful advantages of doing paid
work
 but some downsides
such
 as exhaustion and mismanagement of time between studies and
work
.
Submitted by Samisam87 on

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coherence cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, ensure your essay has a clear and logical flow of ideas. Use cohesive devices effectively, and structure your paragraphs with clear topic sentences that are developed adequately.
task achievement
For Task Achievement, fully address all parts of the task. Provide balanced arguments for both sides of the issue, and support your points with specific and relevant examples. Ensure your conclusion summarises the topic without introducing new information, and reflects the arguments presented.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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