IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many societies in the world, the population is ageing rapidly, and this is leading to an unsustainable increase in the cost of public healthcare. A nation’s population should pay for their healthcare provision in the future. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The population of the elderly community is increasing year by year.
As a result
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, more resources for senior citizens, especially for
health
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care
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, are required in the coming era. I strongly agree that the
government
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 should pay for elderly
healthcare
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 in the future
although
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 the cost to the public is increasing unstoppable.
This
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 passage aims to discuss whether increasing the cost for them and who will pay for the well-being responsibility. Generally, I think increasing the cost of
healthcare
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 is required since elderly families serve our society for a long time.
For example
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, in China culture, we all are burdened to take concern of our senior public to thank them for their effort in taking
care
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 of us.
That is
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 the return to be thankful to our seniors. The return of gratitude includes taking a load of their well-being and living costs.
Secondly
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, I think the most important thing is sympathy for the elderly. We shall become old and weak in some days, we hope society will not leave us without
healthcare
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.
For example
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, if we cut the total for
healthcare
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 for the elderly, we will not be enjoying the benefits of
healthcare
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 in the future when we get older.
On the other hand
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, people may think that supporting
health
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care
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 may increase society's burden. Some countries are not wealthy, which leads to not having much capital to support the
health
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care
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 benefits for the elderly. They have to use
this
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 money for other usage in emergencies,
such
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 as farming and building warships. Usage on how to use capital money for
health
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 is dependent on
government
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 policy. If the
government
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 thinks
healthcare
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 for the elderly is not as important as the other aspects,
then
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 they will not support the funding of
healthcare
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. In conclusion, I agree with increasing the allocation of
health
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care
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 to support the elderly in terms of sympathy and the welfare of our future. These two aspects are important to us to keep providing service concerns to our elderly.
However
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, it is inevitable for the current
government
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 to make a decision about where the budget applies.

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Introduction & Conclusion
The introduction of the essay should clearly present your viewpoint on the topic and briefly outline the points that you will discuss in the main body. Also, ensure the conclusion effectively summarizes your main ideas and restates your position on the issue.
Logical Structure
Your essay should follow a clear and logical structure, with each paragraph focused on a single main idea. Begin each paragraph with a clear topic sentence, and make sure subsequent sentences support the main idea of the paragraph.
Supporting Points
Develop your main points with specific supporting details and examples. Your essay should include relevant and specific examples that support the argument or viewpoint you are presenting. Avoid general statements and strive to provide concrete evidence that strengthens your position.
Task Completion
Ensure that you address all parts of the task prompt in your response. Your essay must provide a clear, direct answer to the question asked, covering all the necessary components. Stay on topic and avoid including information that is not directly relevant to the question.
Cohesion
Make use of a variety of linking words and cohesive devices to create cohesion within and between your paragraphs. The use of discourse markers will make the progression of your argument clearer and help guide the reader through your thoughts.
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