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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people nowadays spend a large part of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #part #time #smartphone #development
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At present days, lots of
people
Use synonyms
 are prone to spend the majority of their leisure
time
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 looking at their
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
. During long layoffs,
time
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 between
classess
Correct your spelling
classes
, or waiting for a bus, many
people
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 choose to look at their screen rather than talk to others or engage with their surroundings. There are several factors causing
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon to occur
to
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in
show examples
 our society. The first obvious factor is the availability and the accessibility of
entertainments
Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
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 in our gadgets. In our phones, there are tons of activities that we can do to fill our free
time
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such
Linking Words
 as playing video games, listening to music, and watching videos or movies, and they are all easy to access by everyone as long as they possess the internet data. Meanwhile, non-phone activities, if compared to those available
at
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on
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 phones, are more limited and, sometimes, take more
efforts
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effort
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. Knitting,
for instance
Linking Words
, requires various
equipments
Correct your spelling
equipment
 and cannot be undertaken everywhere.
Thus
Linking Words
, it motivates
people
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 to just spend
time
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 using their
gadget
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gadgets
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 where it is simple.
In addition
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, social
media
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also
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 plays a vital role for
this
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 to happen. Since
human
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humans
show examples
is
Verb problem
apply
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a social
creature
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creatures
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, they will have a demand to keep socializing, especially those with extroverted
personality
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personalities
show examples
.
The social
Correct article usage
Social
show examples
media
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 like Facebook, Twitter, and
Instagrams
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Instagram
show examples
 become the answer
for
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to
show examples
 the problem as it enables
human
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humans
show examples
 to
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
 their social needs
everwhere
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everywhere
show examples
 at all times, including their free
time
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.
Also
Linking Words
, they,
at
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in
show examples
 some cases, prefer to speak with
someone
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 familiar. It explains why
someone
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, during a bus wait full of strangers,
instead
Linking Words
 of talking with the person next to him,
choose
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chooses
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 to be online
in
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on
show examples
 social
media
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 and have a chat with
someone
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 they know.
Therefore
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, social
media
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 becomes the supplementary reason for
people
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 to look at their
gadget
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gadgets
show examples
 most of the
time
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. Speaking of the impact, I think
this
Linking Words
 social phenomenon has led to a negative development as it not only affects a person's interpersonal relationship but
also
Linking Words
 his personality. Spending too much
time
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 online may decrease
someone
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's social
skill
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skills
show examples
 and, eventually, make them become introverted. If
this
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 keeps happening for an extended period of
time
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, many
people
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 will lose interest in real-life activities and chatting.
Submitted by narawriteshare9 on

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coherence cohesion
Continue to structure your essay with clear paragraphs, including introductions and conclusions, to maintain good coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures and ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next for a more seamless reading experience.
task achievement
Provide real-life examples to support your main points. Instead of speaking in general terms, specific instances or data can strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Make sure that your ideas are not only clear but also fully developed. Expand on your ideas to provide a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • screen time
  • digital addiction
  • instant gratification
  • multifunctional
  • connectivity
  • social networking
  • online services
  • self-expression
  • entertainment options
  • instant access
  • educational resources
  • communication tools
  • virtual interactions
  • distracted living
  • technological dependence
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