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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of tourists visiting a particular Caribbean island between 2010 and 2017.

The graph below shows the number of tourists visiting a particular Caribbean island between 2010 and 2017.
#tourists #caribbean #island
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The line graph illustrates the proportion of Caribbean
Island
Use synonyms
 tourist visitors from 2010 to 2017.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the total
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
number of tourists
show examples
 rose dramatically, and those who are staying on cruise ships increased
in particular
Linking Words
.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the people
stayong
Correct your spelling
staying
 on
Use synonyms
island
Add an article
the island
show examples
 was more moderate. In 2010, exactly 1
million
Use synonyms
 of
total
Change the article
a total
the total
show examples
 number of
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
Carribbean
Correct article usage
the Carribbean
show examples
island
Use synonyms
, which steadily
grows
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
 to roughly 2.7
million
Use synonyms
 in 2015. It began to rise after hitting a plateau for a year
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and eventually reached a total
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 3.5
million
Use synonyms
 arrivals in 2017.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the number of visitors staying on cruise
ship
Fix the agreement mistake
ships
show examples
 was 250,000 in 2010
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and fluctuated over the next two years until rising sharply to 2
million
Use synonyms
 in 2017.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the
visitors
Correct quantifier usage
number of visitors
show examples
 staying on Caribbean
Use synonyms
island
Fix the agreement mistake
islands
show examples
Linking Words
initially
Add a missing verb
was initially
show examples
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
750,000 in the
fist
Correct your spelling
first
show examples
 two years,
then
Linking Words
 it
rise
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 up to 1.5
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 2013 and
stay
Wrong verb form
stayed
show examples
 at the same
levels
Fix the agreement mistake
level
show examples
 until 2015.
Instead
Linking Words
 of experiencing a slight fall in 2016,
this
Linking Words
 value remained stable till the end of the considered period.
Submitted by mynonames on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words island, million with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fluctuation
  • peak
  • trough
  • upward trend
  • downward trend
  • steady increase
  • sharp decline
  • seasonal variation
  • cruise ship visitors
  • island stay visitors
  • economic impact
  • environmental impact
  • tourism industry
  • sustainable tourism
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