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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Shops should not be allowed to sell food and drinks that are scientifically proven to be bad for people's health. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#shops #food #drinks #people #health
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Some people believe that stores should not be given
the
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permission to vend foodstuff which is considered to be harmful to folks' wellness. Personally, I disagree with
this
 idea, because I believe that most of us human beings need an indulgence from time to time. On the one hand, I admit that certain foods or beverages
such
 as betel, almonds and alcohol can be in jeopardy for our bodies.
However
, some people who see these things as their basic necessities would not just stop buying these things even if they are quite aware of the bad influences of these products, and if they can not find them in stores, it might force them to steal or even do something worse obeying the law.
On the other hand
, I contend that people need those stuff,
although
 they can damage our health. As the saying goes, quantity determines quality. Occasional and appropriate use as a way of reward can not only help us relieve stress and get satisfied without harming our health but
also
 encourage us to learn about self-discipline which can truly be essential to our well-being.
Finally
, everything has two sides, those toxic food or drink is not exceptional. We should make full use of their advantages and disadvantages to achieve our own purposes without doing harm to health. In conclusion,
while
 selling food or drink considered to be toxic in shops can be against by many citizens, I believe that if we persist in following our healthy daily routines,
then
 it will not be a big issue for us.
Submitted by 15276360801 on

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Task Achievement
To improve in Task Achievement, ensure your response fully addresses all parts of the task. Your essay should clearly state your position and thoroughly explain your viewpoints with more detailed reasons and a wider range of relevant examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance your essay's Coherence and Cohesion by organizing your ideas more logically and clearly. Use a variety of linking words to connect sentences and paragraphs seamlessly. Aim to make each paragraph focus on a single main idea, supported by specific examples or reasons.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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