IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Today level of stress at the work place are increasing tremendously. What are the causes? what can the problem create?

It is a great issue that nowadays most
employees
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 face difficulties associated with the level of
stress
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 in the workstation as it has been rising at an alarming rate across the world.
This
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 essay shall look into the causes of
this
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 phenomenon, and identify some problems which are created because of
this
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 issue.
To begin
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 with, the workstation is not only a place where
employees
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work
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 but
also
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 ensures earnings
at the end
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 of every month. Despite having
this
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 benefit, currently,
workers
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 face a variety of challenges. One possible cause is that
although
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 the organization ensures a large amount of profit by the
employees
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, it creates an unprecedented problem among the
workers
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.
As a result
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, the
employees
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 feel
stress
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 because of excessive
work
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 pressure.
In other words
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, the people who are employed in the multinational company, are always under pressure and
this
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 is because he/she has to accomplish the assigned tasks within the strict deadline.
However
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, many ventures don't give ample time to their
workers
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 to complete the task flexibly because of the high competition among the companies There are many problems exist which are created by excessive
stress
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 at the workplace.
Firstly
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, the employee is unable to maintain their
work
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-life balance as most of the time they spend at the workstation with loads of
work
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.
Hence
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, the more you
work
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, the more you feel
stress
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. To cite an example, most of the
workers
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 in a readymade garment in Bangladesh are used to working for a long hour which is why they are not able to socialize like other people.
Secondly
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,
stress
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 causes the creation of some health issues among
employees
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. Since an employee has to
work
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 for a long hour, sometimes they can not sleep well.
As a result
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, they have been facing some health-related issues like diabetes, insomnia, hypertension, etc. In conclusion, the
stress
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 level has indeed been increasing day by day causing excessive workload
as well as
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 unable to maintain a
work
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-life balance. The company owner needs to take some steps to alleviate the issues mentioned above.

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coherence cohesion
The essay's structure lacks clear paragraph delineation and logical development of ideas. Each paragraph should open with a topic sentence that clearly states the main point, followed by supporting details and examples. Concluding sentences should summarize the paragraph's point while also linking to the next section.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, they do not fully encapsulate the complexity of the task at hand. Therefore, emphasize the clarity and brevity of your opening and closing statements and ensure they reflect the overall essay's argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
The main points are identified but not fully developed. To strengthen your essay, expand on each point with additional evidence, examples, or explanations. Ensure each main point directly addresses the question and adds substantively to your argument.
task achievement
The response is somewhat repetitive and lacks detailed examples. To enhance your score, ensure that each paragraph has a clear idea or argument that fully responds to the task prompt and where necessary, support this with specific, relevant examples or evidences.
task achievement
You have identified some key ideas but they are not explored comprehensively. Work on expanding your points, providing deeper insights and a more thorough analysis to fully cover the aspects of the topic asked.
task achievement
The essay lacks specific examples to illustrate the issues discussed. Including real-life situations, statistics, or studies can enhance the quality and persuasiveness of your arguments, thus improving the effectiveness of your essay.
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