Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
In recent years, number of patients who rely on their own medical knowledge for treating
disease
is growing rapidly. This phenomena
not only is not considered Change the determiner
This phenomenon
These phenomena
as
a positive development but Change preposition
apply
also
can affect individuals
general health harmfully. There are some reasons for Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
this
notion and following
essay will discuss it.
Correct article usage
the following
To begin
with, sometimes the first symptoms of a disease
would not illustrate the exact problem
and it may progress too fast to an extreme level. Therefore
, if people do not visit a specialist for diagnosing
their Change preposition
to diagnose
disease
, the result would be catastrophic. Because, in most cases, distinguishing the exact illness affect
the treatment procedure significantly. Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
For instance
, during the onset of Covid-19
, people who were involved in Corona Correct your spelling
COVID-19
virous
had Correct your spelling
virus
various
a
usual cold Correct article usage
apply
symptom
,Fix the agreement mistake
symptoms
such
as sneezing and headache
, in Fix the agreement mistake
headaches
first
days. Correct article usage
the first
However
, after some days breathing problem
had
appeared which was a sign of lung involvement. Unnecessary verb
apply
Thus
, if they had not paid attention to it seriously and just had regular cold medicines, it would result in death.
Secondly
, the symptoms of a serious health problem
are not obvious always which
a misunderstanding may occur for Correct word choice
and
patient
. BecauseAdd an article
the patient
a patient
,
ordinary people are not aware of their physical anatomy exactly. Remove the comma
apply
For example
, a sick person with a
constant pain Remove the article
apply
on
their back for a long time may use backache painkillers Change preposition
in
while
main
Change the article
the main
problem
can be a
heart Remove the article
apply
disease
. Consequently
, they will face a
high blood pressure since the heart is not able to pump the blood easily. In Correct article usage
apply
this
case, the heart problem
is in a chronic phase and rarely is curable completely.
To conclude
, As the first symptoms of an illness are not reliable enough for finding a beneficial treatment and individuals may get the right source of pain wrongly, trying alternative medicines would be a fruitless exercise and worsen the issue in some cases. Therefore
, in my perspective, it is considered as
a negative development.Change preposition
apply
Submitted by s.hemmati.p on
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Task Achievement
Your essay partially addresses the prompt; however, you must ensure that you address the positives as well as the negatives as the question asks for both. You presented quite a one-sided argument. Additionally, the essay requires a clearer position throughout and a restatement of this position in the conclusion for full task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay displays an overall logical structure, however, paragraphing could be improved to better showcase the main ideas. Transitions between ideas need to be smoother, and you should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence. To improve cohesion, linking words should be used more effectively to indicate the connections between ideas.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?