Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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In recent years, number of patients who rely on their own medical knowledge for treating
disease
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is growing rapidly.
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This phenomena
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This phenomenon
These phenomena
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not only is not considered
as
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apply
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a positive development but
also
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can affect
individuals
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individuals'
individual's
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general health harmfully. There are some reasons for
this
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notion and
following
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the following
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essay will discuss it.
To begin
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with, sometimes the first symptoms of a
disease
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would not illustrate the exact
problem
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and it may progress too fast to an extreme level.
Therefore
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, if people do not visit a specialist
for diagnosing
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to diagnose
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their
disease
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, the result would be catastrophic. Because, in most cases, distinguishing the exact illness
affect
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affects
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the treatment procedure significantly.
For instance
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, during the onset of
Covid-19
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COVID-19
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, people who were involved in Corona
virous
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virus
various
had
a
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apply
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usual cold
symptom
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symptoms
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,
such
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as sneezing and
headache
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headaches
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, in
first
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the first
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days.
However
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, after some days breathing
problem
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had
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apply
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appeared which was a sign of lung involvement.
Thus
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, if they had not paid attention to it seriously and just had regular cold medicines, it would result in death.
Secondly
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, the symptoms of a serious health
problem
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are not obvious always
which
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and
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a misunderstanding may occur for
patient
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the patient
a patient
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. Because
,
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apply
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ordinary people are not aware of their physical anatomy exactly.
For example
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, a sick person with
a
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apply
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constant pain
on
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in
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their back for a long time may use backache painkillers
while
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main
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the main
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problem
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can be
a
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apply
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heart
disease
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.
Consequently
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, they will face
a
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apply
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high blood pressure since the heart is not able to pump the blood easily. In
this
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case, the heart
problem
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is in a chronic phase and rarely is curable completely.
To conclude
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, As the first symptoms of an illness are not reliable enough for finding a beneficial treatment and individuals may get the right source of pain wrongly, trying alternative medicines would be a fruitless exercise and worsen the issue in some cases.
Therefore
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, in my perspective, it is considered
as
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apply
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a negative development.
Submitted by s.hemmati.p on

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Task Achievement
Your essay partially addresses the prompt; however, you must ensure that you address the positives as well as the negatives as the question asks for both. You presented quite a one-sided argument. Additionally, the essay requires a clearer position throughout and a restatement of this position in the conclusion for full task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay displays an overall logical structure, however, paragraphing could be improved to better showcase the main ideas. Transitions between ideas need to be smoother, and you should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence. To improve cohesion, linking words should be used more effectively to indicate the connections between ideas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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